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I just experienced a calm November with no stress or conflict. It was such a great feeling to be at peace. However, there is always this feeling within me that I’m missing--or missing out on--something. This feeling resurfaced again when I found myself working on tidbits of graphic design: dabbling in some elements to start considering a whole makeover of this blog and creating a new business card for my current full-time gig. In total, I probably spent about 3 hours doing this. As odd as this may sound to some, it was 3 hours of feeling connected to something in my core that brought me joy and left me wanting more. Yes, it appears that my drug of choice is graphic design.

I’ve tried playing music and with a lot of practice I can pull it off, but it’s always technical. If my band mates stray from the song in any way, I’m left hanging as I can’t catch the new groove. I’ve done some art, but it always looks mechanical. However, when I enter into the digital realm, be it photo re-touching, editing digital video, creating music for use in digital video, or starting with a blank slate and ending up with a full blown website, this is where I find fulfillment and contentment. Elements of all of these were incorporated in the work I did when in full-time ministry and freelancing just to keep up my skills when not working helped me keep my sanity.

While I do admit that I’ve been able to exercise some creativity in finding solutions for people seeking to purchase an automobile, it’s not quite the same. It’s part of business and an inherent part of who I am and why I’m able to relate well with most people in a sales capacity. As I ponder thoughts of how my friends may have been right after all and maybe I should be doing what I truly enjoy and feel accomplished at as a full-time gig, my mind immediately turns to the possibility of a future role where I can take my sales experience and complement it with my digital skill set to take a group of people I’ve committed to be successful to the next level.

Yes, creativity has gone and done it again. It’s got me thinking about possibilities. This time though, it’s not a conflict of what to do or where I should do it. No, this time it feels like a dear old friend making himself available to help get me where I want to go and feeling equipped to begin the journey into my next new adventure, which isn’t really new at all--just getting refreshed a bit. Color me excited for things to come!

Are you missing creativity in your life? What is your creative outlet? Is today the day to revisit it?

Living life online doesn’t really give one much of a glimpse into the true person that I am. Maybe you’ve seen me tweet some things that have merit, yet you don’t know if I’m qualified to validate those tweets. A lot of times, people just have questions when they learn that I’ve spent most of my life as an atheist, only to sell off a successful business and enter into full-time, unpaid ministry for 7 years.

Every once in awhile I devote a day on the blog to answering questions about myself so that those of you know that may only know me through Facebook and Twitter can learn something new. Of course, the fear is that when I post this opportunity, no one responds and it makes me feel foolish. However, it’s a risk I’ll take on again today.

Ask me a question… About anything… Ready, set, go! :)

Many people remember the movie Forrest Gump very well. I, on the otherhand, only remember this phrase:

“…Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are gonna get.”

I convinced myself that life--my life--was going to be just like that. I never knew what I was going to get and just tried to make it through each day in preparation for the unknown coming my way the next day. As of yesterday, I had to put this way of thinking to rest.

Think about it… When we go to the store to buy a box of chocolate, we are faced with many choices. We can choose the chocolate-covered cherries, the chocolates with nuts, the chocolates with chewy centers, or a combination of all three. Do we really not know what we are going to get inside that box of chocolates?

Yesterday I reminded myself that I need a sense of purpose and a commitment to move forward doing something that I believed within my soul that only I could bring to fruition. It had to include others and would only be fulfilled through everyone coming together to make it happen. I had my box of chocolates right under my nose, but as I was contemplating whether I wanted the chocolate with nuts, the cherry-covered chocolate, or the ones with chewy centers, I clearly saw that if I just went with the box that had all three I could find a way to be happy. My focus in the past had been too narrow--my decision was becoming too finite.

Yesterday I took the step of tearing off the wrapper and revealing my box of my chocolates. Today, I move forward--one bite at a time. My life can be like a box of chocolates, only my box was pre-determined for me and I know what is inside of it. It was up to me to accept it or not, but now I know it was meant for me.

I guess the most memorable thing about my birthday yesterday is that it marked the changing of Daylight Savings Time--clocks went back one hour. It was an uneventful day with two exceptions:

1. I had some things of note happen at a church service
2. My wife forgot it was my birthday.

In previous years, number 2 would have stolen the day for me. It has actually happened before… more than once. This time she was busy with preparing to sing worship songs at a Spanish language church in Santa Barbara (about 45 minutes away) in the evening and spent the day practicing for that. However, this time I didn’t mind at all. I didn’t receive it as a personal attack on me and a display of her lack of caring. She’s just a very forgetful person and it’s a constant struggle in our relationship as I do my best not to forget anything. Maybe it’s a sign of maturity, or a sign that we’ve been together too long. Hopefully it’s just a simple sign showing me that I don’t need to take things so seriously and just accept them for what they are and move on. I need that.

I feel like I learned another lesson as well. This one coming from the church service I attended in the morning. I visited a friend, with a friend, at the oldest African American church in Oxnard. It is a very strange setting for me as I’m the only Asian there, the worship time is less about singing lyrics to a song and more about being present before God in adoration, and there is absolutely nothing technologically current about the presentation. There is no big screen with lyrics, no display of the day’s Scripture, and no slideshow with bullet points regarding the sermon. I’ve been here about five times so far and it’s been like this every time. It makes me pause and wonder if we have gone too much into the use of tech to make Sunday services more attractive to the masses. It makes me question my role in the future of the church and my evolving perspectives on building community and the use of social media to help facilitate this.

As different as the environment is to me, it is the brief connections that I make while there that always stand out. Being an obvious outsider to the oldest African American church in Oxnard, my thoughts as a leader are that everyone in membership there should recognize it and make me feel welcome. It never happens. I’m actually glad it doesn’t. From the first time I visited and had one of the ladies of the choir walk down the long row of chairs that separated us to shake my hand and say good morning to yesterday when I got the biggest, warmest hug from someone I think I’ve ever received I always seem to make one connection as a result of someone coming up to me to make me feel noticed and welcomed. As a very introverted person it happens on a level I am comfortable--rather than an overwhelming mass of people rushing towards me to engage me in conversation. It’s another one of those things that makes me think about my perspective on church leadership and how we should show others we care they are amongst us.

Aside from that, I hung out around the apartment and replied to all of my birthday greetings on twitter and facebook and watched a few movies online. Yesterday was a very restful day, and now that my birthday is over, the thoughts of reflection are beginning. Introverted, reflective, retrospective, and never satisfied… Be glad you aren’t me :)

PS. Maybe my birthday was more eventful than I first thought ;)