I watched an episode of Frontline last night titled The Suicide Tourist. It’s the story of Craig Ewert, a husband and father who at the age of 59 decided to fly to Switzerland so that he could be permitted to take his own life via a prescription of sleeping medication.

Craig was struck with ALS and lost his motor skills rather quickly. However, he seemed to be completely aware of his environment, condition, prognosis and had full mental capacity. His decision to end his life prematurely was one he was clearly making with no deterioration in his reasoning skills.

As I watched this program I felt an immense sadness for Craig and his family. Frontline documented how fully functional his mind was and how he seemed to enjoy his time with his wife. It even shared snippets of Craig expressing how he was afraid of the decision he was facing and how he may change his mind at the last minute. The biggest thing that hit me like a punch in the gut was when Mr. Ewert expressed how he believed there was no eternity for anyone and that he was just going to expire. Rather than let his condition worsen, he was going to make the decision to end his life before becoming a burden to his family and suffering more than he had already.

However, the more I watched I noticed my sadness slowly turning into anger. I continually asked myself why would a guy with so much love and support around him want to end his life prematurely? I sensed it was an issue of control, in that he didn’t want to face what he felt was going to be inevitable regarding his physical condition, so he masked his decision with words about wanting to die with dignity.

This episode gave me reason to pause and consider my thoughts and emotions. Assisted suicide is one of those things I have wrestled with a lot since making the transition of waking up one day as a believer in God after spending 37 years not believing in him. As an atheist, I completely relate to Craig’s belief that we live and die with nothing else beyond our existence in our human form. I also understand that if someone has a prognosis of dying a painful death or having no good quality of life that they should be allowed to die prior to that, should they choose to do so. As a believer in God and Christ, I find this a difficult position to go along with. Not because of heaven or hell or whether or not suicide is in essence the same as murder, but because of the lack of one thought: hope.

As an atheist, I had a lot of hope. However, it was always rooted in my own personal existence. My biggest existential hope was that the world would be a better place after I expired due to my having lived in it. My days were numbered and beyond my life, there was nothing. Death was final. Now as one that believes we continue on eternally, my perspective is different. I have the hope that our time here in the flesh doesn’t mean the end of my time with my family and others. I have hope that with all of the pain and suffering and difficult decision people like Craig Ewert have to make every day, that there is a better place we may go to.

My mom passed away unexpectedly a few years ago and it felt like my world had come to an end. I went into a depression and was emotionally crippled for months. My brother and I made the decision that rather than let my mom die in pain, we gave permission to the doctors to take her off of life support, administer a bunch of morphine, and drift off peacefully to her death. I was there holding her hand and talking to her as she gasped her last breath. As a Christian at that time, I couldn’t celebrate what us other Christians have certainty in knowing. My mother--while she was able to witness my transformation and was supportive of my involvement in ministry--never spoke of her faith in Christ. There was no joy in knowing that we would be together again in the future. However, I still hold onto hope. The hope that I will see her again and that we can know joy and peace eternally as mother and son. It is that hope that finally pulled me out of my depressed state and allowed me to move forward.

Whether or not we continue on eternally… Whether or not there is a heaven or hell, we all are faced with decision we make every day. Some of them are immensely difficult and some of them seem impossible or hopeless. In the end, Mr. Craig Ewert, your story has impacted my life and forced me to think about my life and the decisions I face. For that, I thank you very much. May you and your family be reunited one day and know the influence you have had in the lives of many that witnessed your story through an episode of Frontline.

For those of you that have been with me for at least a year, you’ll remember that back in February 2010 I created The Latte Challenge to help me confirm a move from Sacramento, CA to Portland, OR for the purposes of building relationships and engaging in conversations rather than constructing a church. Thanks to the generosity and support from a lot of friends, my wife and I arrived in Beaverton (a westside suburb of Portland) on March 1, 2010.

In coming to Portland last March, my intention was not on building a church, but it was focused on ministry. Everything I had read and heard led me to believe that people in Portland were far away from God, yet open to conversations of spirituality. It was for many years considered the most unchurched part of the United States and still remains in second place behind New England. I sensed it was a perfect place to move to--away from the people and things we were familiar with; somewhere new where we could reflect on our time as church planters of Revolution Church Sacramento and what our next steps should be.

The funniest thing happened though. Instead of being this beacon of light that I had envisioned being used to facilitate conversations about faith and church and spirituality, I ended up becoming a receiver. As I stepped back and listened to conversation after conversation with people that crossed my path, I found myself being ministered to instead. I’ve had people speak into my life about not giving up, not measuring myself by my career… Sharing their life experiences with me so that I could become a better husband and father--the list just goes on.

In my perspective as a minister and leader I came here believing that my agenda was what was needed. In the end, I have learned to shed that part of my nature aside and just listen and learn from others. I’ve always done that, but there has been some underlying, subconscious sense of ministry or leadership that I expected to come out as a result.

I’ve spent 11 out of my 12 months here in Portland disengaged from any church due to my work schedule, but feel as if I take away a better perspective and a deeper love for the church as I envision it and its possibilities. Yes, I miss being actively involved in a community of people (the local church) that have a heart and mission to serve others while encouraging one another, but I am a much better human being as a result of my time away.

As my wife and I feel like our time here in the Portland area may be coming to an end, I feel like I wish I could say that a part of me will remain here for the good of others as mission accomplished. However, in reality, I don’t wish that at all. Instead, this was a time for me to see some things differently, become even more humble, and to learn from others and I must realize that in order for the experience not to be wasted. So Portland, you have done much to improve the life and soul of a weary traveler that wandered here with uncertainty, only to leave here feeling refreshed and ready for what may come next. I’m now feeling a greater sense of purpose and direction and am much better equipped to be a part of society than I was 12 months ago.

To all of the people I have met during my past 12 months here in Oregon, know that you will be remembered and that your stories will be shared as my journey continues. You have made a difference just for being who you are, at the right place at the right time. Our time together was more profound than you could ever know. Thank you for taking a moment of your lifetime to share it with me, a stranger from a different culture, trying to figure out the meaning of my circumstances. My rest is now complete and I’m excited to stand and take my next steps. Bravo Portlanders, bravo!

There are two things I admit being very difficult for me in my journey of faith in Christ. One is being patient, which I have blogged about a lot in the past, and the other is grace. I haven’t blogged much about grace because it’s a difficult thing for me to discuss as it has so many aspects. Today I’ll just focus on grace--or the lack thereof--in general terms.

I feel I’m pretty good at offering grace to others. Whatever they have done or whomever they may be, I do not pass judgement of them. I believe in second chances (or third or fourth or…) and am open to people and situations from a position of grace. I have been extended grace in many things in which I did not deserve it, so who am I to not extend it to others. In Christ there has been ultimate and eternal grace upon my life and soul and I must share this or it os meaningless.

However, there are two areas where I definitely battle with grace. One is internally in matters of self and the other is in my marriage. I’m pretty tough on myself and hate making excuses for things. I don’t take failure lightly and I’m competitve by nature. I’m always pushing myself harder to be better and error free. I’ve been criticized by friends because I use a lot of self-derprecating humor, but it’s because in many ways I see myself as less-than-perfect and it makes me feel inferior and incapable. I care more about how I perceive myself than what others think about me--I am my harshest critic. Secondly, when it comes to matters with my wife I find I do not extend the same grace I extend to others. So many things have repeated themselves over-and-over, year-after-year. However, here I make an excuse. Here I say it’s because of the repetitiveness of certain things that my level of frustration is so high that it justifies my lack of patience and grace. Today though, I have realized that there is no excuse. I need to address my lack of grace and find a way to deal with it--in a healthy manner which helps move us forward and into a state of grace.

There must be grace…

Today is my birthday, and to celebrate I’m asking my friends to help support a cause I believe in called One Days Wages. They are an organization that takes 100% of donations received and sends it out for aid to those in need. The only deductions are for credit card or paypal processing fees. They work together with organizations in place doing good work for those without clean water to drink or food to eat.

Today, on my birthday, I have already sent in my contribution in the amount of one day’s wages and ask you to consider doing the same. Where as my contribution may help feed someone for a week, combined our contribution could go towards feeding an entire community for months!

Birthday wishes are great, but giving to others so they may eat and drink clean water today would be even greater. If you can’t offer one day’s wages, maybe you could donate one hour’s wages? I set a goal of having $1,001 raised today on my birthday. Hoping you’ll join me in making my birthday wish come true.

Click the link below to make your contribution. It only takes seconds.

Dave’s Birthday for a Cause.

Thanks so much!

I’m curious to know how you feel about the following quotes:

So, what do you think? Do these sound noble? Might they even be words you’ve said or thought at some point? Are they your battle cry?

The above quotes are from Lt. Dan Choi whose website bio reads:

Question is, does knowing who made the above statements change your mind about how you feel about them? Next question is, why?

Here is the context of the quotes from cnn.com: http://bit.ly/aj91HG

Saw this great video posted by my friend Marc Payan. It shares a great message, but I was most-impressed with how it shows our perception of the future can be misleading depending on how we look at it. It’s only 1 minute, 40 seconds so I hope you’ll watch it:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA

I picked up on a Wade Kawasaki quote from my friend Dawn Carter, who happens to be at an event known as The Ideation Conference today. The quote was:

“Infrastructure creates order and processes to support those who are doing the creative work.”

When I saw the quote from Kawasaki, it was something I deeply resonated with. It’s something I have been talking about for the past six months or so. It is something that has taken me 43 years to really understand.

In the most literal sense, this quote seems to make no sense. Words such as infrastructure, order, and processes sound so restrictive to the creative person. Creatives need space to dream and wonder. Those are things that you can’t put infrastructure or order into. It’s like trying to mix oil and water. However, as those of you that cook may well know, oil and water can be mixed. In the kitchen we call this process emulsifying. When one takes oil and another liquid (usually an acid such as vinegar or lemon juice) and puts a lot of energy into beating it together, the end result is a combination of flavors unified to our taste buds. The two separate forces become tightly suspended together. Let them sit idle, and they separate apart again. To me, the essence of the emulsion in the kitchen is the same in the world of leadership. Imagine creativity as the oil and infrastructure (order and processes) as the water. The oil of creativity resists the water of infrastructure. Each in its separate form has its merits and can stand on their own. However, when they are united together into a mix they become more than they could have been on their own.

As a visionary manager in the business world for several decades, it has been unbelievably difficult for me to work with creative people. In my mind, creative people have their heads in the clouds and are happiest dreaming about things, rather than caring if any of those ever made it into the real world. I on the other hand want to dream about something that can be made reality, and then stay focused on seeing that dream become reality. Unless this were to happen, I would consider myself a failure.

I took that mindset with me into ministry and found that it caused a lot of conflict. However, through that conflict arose a new perspective. One of collaboration for the sake of seeing things happen regardless of how it comes about or who gets the credit. I realized that I was wired to see something in the horizon and find a way to bring it into my world, but what if I could do the same for others? What if the inspiration of someone else could be brought to fruition? Better yet, what if I could help others to realize that while they may be happiest dreaming about the what ifs, they could be even happier seeing some of those dreams become reality.

Infrastructure, order, and process can be very rigid and restrictive. Creativity can be very freeing and at times chaotic. While it may be impossible to reign in a creative person and make them incorporate infrastructure, order, and processes it is possible to come alongside them and collaborate with them as the infrastructure, order, and process behind their creativity. Who cares if it was the creative person that thought of the idea first? Who cares if the creative person ends up getting the credit once the idea becomes a reality? For me, helping others realize their hopes and dreams is a form of creativity. It is more important than getting credit and it has become an integral part of my ministry.

I gave up the opportunity to lead a small church by being the leader for the sake of desperately wanting to be part of a team where collaboration was the fuel of seeing the dream become a reality. I’ve proven myself many times that I can lead and direct a business, but now I am being called to emulsify people into something they never realized they could be until I started mixing things up in the hopes of bringing us together. In my mind infrastructure + order + process is a powerful formula for seeing creativity thrive.

There is a lot of talk about being multi-cultural in the church. For some that is a great thing, and for others it puts too much emphasis on race as opposed to who the church should serve. The interesting thing is, the idea of multi-culturalism is mainly thought of only within the predominantly Caucasian church in America. Additionally, when most white church members think of being multi-cultural, the first thought is accepting African-Americans into the congregation, as opposed to Asians or Hispanics. Go outside of the context of the predominantly white church in America and you will rarely hear any discussion about being multi-cultural. What does this say about our church in America?

One of the most common phrases I heard repeated during my time at seminary was, “Sunday’s are the most segregated day of the week.” in reference to churches. Our communities are becoming diverse, our workplace is diverse, yet our churches are not. Why is that so?

I think to be a church of a majority really does a great injustice to those in the minority. It causes those not in the majority to feel uncomfortable. You can cite all of the cases you want of how your church has some diversity in it and that no one looks at the color of another person’s skin--that you all just get along as one happy family. However, in reality, there is a conflict brewing inside of those that are not like the majority.

Let me give you an illustration to consider: You are craving Chinese food so you head over to your favorite, local restaurant only to find it has changed. The sign outside is now written in Chinese. You walk in the door and are greeted to a familiar face you’ve seen before, only she is now welcoming you in Chinese. You head over to your usual table and are handed a menu written only in Chinese. You look around and everyone else in the restaurant is Chinese. The waiter comes over and asks for your order…in Chinese. How do you feel? Uncomfortable? Strange? Displaced? Knowing that you really, really like the food at this restaurant, what do you do? Do you risk trying to explain in English to someone that keeps responding in Chinese? I think what you’d do is go back to your car and go to your second-favorite Chinese restaurant and hope that they still speak English there. In essence, the white church in America is like that Chinese restaurant, but they just don’t realize it. Everything is about the white culture, yet the invitation to reach out to people of other ethnicities is always given. The white church expects those in the minority to come in and assimilate into the existing, predominant culture--like the Chinese restaurant--yet makes no gestures to try and understand the perspective of the minority culture. It’s like the white church says, “Please come to our party. We’ll have music, but you can’t request any songs. We’ll have food, but only if you like meatloaf. We’ll be mingling, but mostly with people we know already.” This is the reality of multi-culturalism. It’s diversity for the sake of looking pretty, but with no respect to the other cultures you are inviting.

Third culture, on the other hand, is not really about attracting people for the sake of looking pretty. It’s about learning more about people of other cultures and finding how we can live life together. It goes much deeper than the color of someone’s skin. It goes to the core of who they are and how they are different. It’s an exploration into why God made us all uniquely individual, coming from different nations to be joined together at that very moment in time. It becomes more of a celebration of us individually and how we can come together collectively in a way that honors God. It lets us be free in the color of our skin and have some security in appreciating our differences rather than seek to homogenize us into the majority. As the working definition from Dave Gibbons of third culture is: “the mindset and will to love, learn and serve in any culture even in the midst of pain and discomfort.” It entails some pain and discomfort.

Continuing with the illustration of the Chinese restaurant. When you go back to your second favorite restaurant and find everyone still speaks English and the food tastes like you remember, you’ll soon come to reflect on why this is your second favorite Chinese restaurant. Either you go on eating average food or you make an attempt to understand some of the language and customs of the people of your favorite Chinese restaurant and begin a process that will allow you be able to eat your favorite food once again. However, as much as you may go through the pain and discomfort of trying to learn the Chinese language and culture at the restaurant, you will most-likely find that they will begin doing the same with you. They will begin to pick up on some of your customs and language. Once you make a commitment to try to learn and better-understand the ways of the Chinese restaurant, the more those in the Chinese restaurant warm up to you rather than look at you as an outsider.

Third culture in the church is a process that begins with a mindset. It takes work, perseverance, steadfastness, and a willingness to get through whatever it takes for the sake of celebrating those things that we don’t know. If we as the church are willing to make some sacrifices in our comfort and not fear the day when we become the minority, but instead choose to celebrate all that outside cultural influences have played in creating this great nation and all that will continue to happen as we embrace each other’s pain and look forward to a better tomorrow, the future will be very bright. Otherwise, the only pain will be the result of internal struggles we all have that never have the chance to come to the surface. This is a pain that shouldn’t be required for us to endure. It’s a pain that can only ultimately be resolved through having the will to love, learn, live, and serve in differing environments that will bring about a reconciliation amongst us, not just a visible patchwork of skin colors.

For all the people out there that say blogging is dead, I say you have no clue what you are talking about! I know that sounds harsh, but I adamantly believe it. Let me share a story of a dude named Dewde and my blog.

There was a lot of controversy surrounding an issue of Asian-American Christians taking offense to something, which I responded to in this blog post. Someone I did not know at the time read my blog post and chose to respond with a very short comment which simply stated:

Clearly you are not irrelevant.

Clearly.

peace | dewde

After that comment was left on my blog, I continued to see comments of peace and wisdom, all seasoned with a love that truly seemed to be evidence that Christ was alive and well in this guy named Dewde. He was everywhere in the blogosphere in response to the controversy, yet his remarks were always consistent — always taking the high road, yet acknowledging the inadvertent wrongfulness of the issue. I was taken back by his presence and devotion of time to exhibit such grace and truth from a non-Asian perspective. I imagined that Dewde must have been a well-versed Christian that somehow found grace and was devoted to sharing it with the world. I wanted to be more like him.

One night during a tokbox video conference on an issue of Asian-American ministry, Dewde pops into the conversation. I had to know more of his story. I was all set to be envious of his experience and learn what caused him to be so full of grace. Then, he softly spoke something that rocked my existence! He said that he was an atheist who married a Christian woman and came to know the eternal love of Christ through attending services at North Point Community Church in Georgia. What? An atheist? Specifically, an atheist-turned-Christian-through-a-mega-church-experience. Could this be true? Dewde definitely had my attention. The more he shared that night on tokbox, the more I realized that his story was very similar to mine. He shared a link to a video of his journey as an atheist who came to faith in the Lord. This guy who was so solidly grounded in peace and dripped the love of Christ from every pore of his body made statements in the video like:

• I had questions, but they were not answered to my satisfaction.

• I had a conversation with God. I told him that I did not believe he existed, and that this was his chance to prove to me that he did…I waited…I listened hard…And when the silence was over I had the proof I needed…And I became an atheist with a clean conscious.

What the heck? How could a guy who came to know Christ personally just seven years ago — a guy so rooted in his own reasoning skills and with so much evidence of Christians not being what they professed to be — how could this guy seem to have found so much peace? I said similar things during my years as an atheist, yet don’t reveal that much grace in my life. I was developing a bond with my newfound brother and it greatly encouraged me to know God was at work in this way in others. While Dewde and I have a lot of similarities in our journeys, we are two very individual people. We are not the same. Therefore, Dewde’s story is worth knowing and I encourage you to take a few moments to witness his story in the video below. I know many of you know him via twitter and the blogosphere, but I’m not sure many of you know how he came to be this amazing guy named Dewde, who loves others because Christ first loved him.

Here’s the video:

It’s Personal -- A Former Atheist Speaks from dewde on Vimeo.

So, Meredith Baxter — known by many as Mrs. Elyse Keaton, mother to Alex P. Keaton on NBC’s Family Ties — has come out to declare to the world that she is a lesbian (news story here). Why? Why is it so relevant to us to know that Meredith Baxter considers herself to be a lesbian and has done so for the past 7 years? Do we really care so much about her business that we now feel compelled to judge her for her sexuality? Is it because she was Alex P. Keaton’s mother and now somehow her being a lesbian takes away from that memory?

One of the things about being involved in ministry is how people in the church will use this news as a reason for us Christians to rally together and pray for her to cleansed of her homosexual lifestyle. Unfortunately, this discounts some very important things:

1. Only God can change someone, and it is his decision alone as to whether or not Ms. Baxter needs to be changed.
2. If Ms. Baxter’s profession of homosexuality has doomed her to a life of eternal hell, then what about your viewing of internet porn, getting drunk on occasion, turning a blind eye to those in need or yelling at your husband/wife in anger?
3. People are turned away from hypocritical Christians judging them, yet drawn to imperfect humans loving them through grace and kindness.

I guess Ms. Baxter felt compelled to share her lesbianism with the world, but in the end I doubt it will be what the world thinks in return that will matter to her. I sense this as a way to free herself from having to somehow hide her identity and pretend to be straight. Who is it that benefits from that perception of being straight? Obviously, those of us that choose to live in judgment and harbor prejudice. The problem here is, did we care about Ms. Baxter’s eternal salvation in Christ before she announced she was a lesbian?

Not to run away from my roots as an evangelical Christians, so for the record, I do believe that being a lesbian would prevent Ms. Baxter from knowing God--alongside him--in heaven one day. However, it is not my job to change her back to being heterosexual, if that were even possible. It’s not my job to view her as different or defective or eternally persecuted because of who she is attracted to or falls in love with. She is a person made in the image of God, just as you and I are. We all are. How he deals with each of us and our role in the eternal makeup of the universe is at his discretion. I can believe firmly in the truth as I see it, but must never move away from the truth behind the truth, which is:

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. --1 Peter 4:8

It is my sincere hope for Ms. Baxter that she one day comes to know God eternally in heaven, yet only on God’s terms and through his love for her as revealed by others. May her value and worth be in who she is--as made in the image of God--rather than who she dates or what we (personally) think of her.