I watched an episode of Frontline last night titled The Suicide Tourist. It’s the story of Craig Ewert, a husband and father who at the age of 59 decided to fly to Switzerland so that he could be permitted to take his own life via a prescription of sleeping medication.
Craig was struck with ALS and lost his motor skills rather quickly. However, he seemed to be completely aware of his environment, condition, prognosis and had full mental capacity. His decision to end his life prematurely was one he was clearly making with no deterioration in his reasoning skills.
As I watched this program I felt an immense sadness for Craig and his family. Frontline documented how fully functional his mind was and how he seemed to enjoy his time with his wife. It even shared snippets of Craig expressing how he was afraid of the decision he was facing and how he may change his mind at the last minute. The biggest thing that hit me like a punch in the gut was when Mr. Ewert expressed how he believed there was no eternity for anyone and that he was just going to expire. Rather than let his condition worsen, he was going to make the decision to end his life before becoming a burden to his family and suffering more than he had already.
However, the more I watched I noticed my sadness slowly turning into anger. I continually asked myself why would a guy with so much love and support around him want to end his life prematurely? I sensed it was an issue of control, in that he didn’t want to face what he felt was going to be inevitable regarding his physical condition, so he masked his decision with words about wanting to die with dignity.
This episode gave me reason to pause and consider my thoughts and emotions. Assisted suicide is one of those things I have wrestled with a lot since making the transition of waking up one day as a believer in God after spending 37 years not believing in him. As an atheist, I completely relate to Craig’s belief that we live and die with nothing else beyond our existence in our human form. I also understand that if someone has a prognosis of dying a painful death or having no good quality of life that they should be allowed to die prior to that, should they choose to do so. As a believer in God and Christ, I find this a difficult position to go along with. Not because of heaven or hell or whether or not suicide is in essence the same as murder, but because of the lack of one thought: hope.
As an atheist, I had a lot of hope. However, it was always rooted in my own personal existence. My biggest existential hope was that the world would be a better place after I expired due to my having lived in it. My days were numbered and beyond my life, there was nothing. Death was final. Now as one that believes we continue on eternally, my perspective is different. I have the hope that our time here in the flesh doesn’t mean the end of my time with my family and others. I have hope that with all of the pain and suffering and difficult decision people like Craig Ewert have to make every day, that there is a better place we may go to.
My mom passed away unexpectedly a few years ago and it felt like my world had come to an end. I went into a depression and was emotionally crippled for months. My brother and I made the decision that rather than let my mom die in pain, we gave permission to the doctors to take her off of life support, administer a bunch of morphine, and drift off peacefully to her death. I was there holding her hand and talking to her as she gasped her last breath. As a Christian at that time, I couldn’t celebrate what us other Christians have certainty in knowing. My mother--while she was able to witness my transformation and was supportive of my involvement in ministry--never spoke of her faith in Christ. There was no joy in knowing that we would be together again in the future. However, I still hold onto hope. The hope that I will see her again and that we can know joy and peace eternally as mother and son. It is that hope that finally pulled me out of my depressed state and allowed me to move forward.
Whether or not we continue on eternally… Whether or not there is a heaven or hell, we all are faced with decision we make every day. Some of them are immensely difficult and some of them seem impossible or hopeless. In the end, Mr. Craig Ewert, your story has impacted my life and forced me to think about my life and the decisions I face. For that, I thank you very much. May you and your family be reunited one day and know the influence you have had in the lives of many that witnessed your story through an episode of Frontline.
For those of you that have been with me for at least a year, you’ll remember that back in February 2010 I created 
