family


11
Feb 10

Can it just be a coincidence?

As you know by now, so much has happened in the past two months to radically turn my life upside-down. Things are coming at me from all angles and I’ve tried to do my best to discern which things were of God, which were of me, and which were from the force that I don’t want any credit given to. I’m leaving the state I grew up in for the first time in my life. For the first time in my 21 years as a father, I will be separated from my two daughters by about 700 miles and it kills me.

Through all of the things I’ve done to devote my attention to my situation, I was put on hold to pause and listen to the story of a friend. While seated at my dining table my friend talked about how tired she was. She has been in a straight commission job with a lot of expenses associated with it in an industry that has slowed way down the past 3 years. Her father-in-law is in his 80′s and he has lived with her and her husband for the past year, since her mother-in-law passed away. Her father-in-law is elderly, bitter, and full of negativity. My friend tries to please him constantly, but he’s never appreciative. She was kind of venting and I was doing my best to be there to just listen. My friend then started explaining the circumstances surrounding the passing of her mother-in-law. It came with no warning and took place in her home. Her mother-in-law wasn’t feeling well and her husband--in his usual self--said she’d be okay and that she shouldn’t go to the hospital. Well, my friend was really concerned so she took charge and said that she was going to take her to the hospital and that no one could stop her. They proceeded to walk to the front porch, when her mother-in-law paused for a moment to rest. My friend said that she saw her and saw this glowing light surrounding her. My friend asked her if she wanted to go back inside and have something to eat. Her mother-in-law said yes, that she would appreciate some food. She asked for a bowl of noodles and said she was going back upstairs to rest. My friend lovingly prepared the bowl of noodles and took it upstairs, only to find that her mother-in-law had passed away. It’s at this point that my friend tells me that she had no feeling. The only thought in her mind was how she was going to pay for her mother-in-law’s funeral since they didn’t even have money to put gas in their car? After hearing this, I just kept listening. A few days after her mother-in-law passed away my friend made a big sale and had more than enough to pay for her mother-in-law’s funeral. She was then convicted by her thoughts about finances when she should have overcome those worries and felt more compassionate or mournful.

I am reminded of my own experience with my mother. She was admitted to the hospital even though she didn’t want to go. The doctors thought she had pancreatitis. They gave her some antibiotics and my mom seemed to be recovering. For three days all she kept talking about was getting discharged so she could come home with me and eat a bowl of noodles. Every other word out of her mouth was noodles. Know that Japanese noodles are one of the most basic things I know how to cook, but one of the things that my mom appreciated most from my kitchen. She just raved about the noodle broth I made from scratch. I couldn’t wait to make her happy with some comfort food. During her last night in the hospital (The doctor was releasing her to go home the next morning) something happened and her condition got dramatically worse. She went into the ICU and two weeks later she passed away. She was diagnosed with cepsis, which is an infection in her blood stream and it is incurable. She was under heavy sedation and never was coherent during her last two weeks. It was probably the most painful experience I ever had in my life. I’m actually weeping as I type this. Not only had I lost my mother, but being raised to be an atheist and only having been able to share my belief in God and relationship with Christ for a short time before she passed away, I never heard my mom profess her faith in Christ. I had to consider the possible fact that my mom may have passed away from this life and is now eternally separated from the God I had devoted my life to. I wondered what else I could have done. I prayed and prayed and prayed that God called her to him so that we could be reunited in heaven one day. I was like a walking dead person. It was if my life had been sucked out of my body.

In the end, I never doubted God and sought comfort in his Word. I trust God completely with my life. My faith, through all that I have endured in my brief time in his kingdom, I have never wavered on that. Just as my friend had to come to terms with the fact that God will provide for her if she releases that worry to Jesus and becomes more concerned about loving others first, I learned a hard lesson as well. I have realized in the face of such tragedies as we’ve seen in Haiti and the tragedy of losing my mom unexpectedly that I have to continue to put my faith and trust in God. Whether my mom is with him or not, I have to trust that his plan is based on love, yet he is a just God and that all will have to face a final day of judgment. Deep down in my heart I do believe that God has chosen to call my entire household even if I don’t hear them verbally profess Christ as Lord and Savior. He’s given me a chance to do that in my daughters, whom I raised to atheists as well. Now as I step out in what I believe to be obedience, and move to a new state to connect with a new community of people, I have to trust that God will make a way to remove the 700 mile barrier between Beaverton, OR and Sacramento, CA so that I may one day celebrate the calling of Christ in the hearts of my daughters.

In a complicated, inner-connected tale of two people with moms that wanted noodles before they passed away, to trusting God for finances and protection when we can’t see in our human minds how it will be possible, to learning a life lesson and trying to act on it in ways with those in our families whom God has given us more time with on earth, I just can’t believe that any of this was mere coincidence. I’m believing that as frightened as I am--that I am leaving my daughters at a time when Christ’s love in me can be used to influence my daughter’s hearts--that my God is in control of all that is good and that he will make a way to see my daughters know him in their hearts, eternally. That as insane as this may seem to you(Yes, it seems insane to me too!), God is calling me to take my story and share with a community of people that don’t have neighbors or coworkers that can give such testimonies to the strength and faith and peace that can only be known in having Christ reside in our hearts. Today I’m putting my faith and trust in this promise:

“I tell you the truth,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.” --Mark 10:29-31 NIV

Will you stand with me and help me continue pursuing the call on my life by partnering with us in The Latte Challenge?

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10
Dec 09

Brother-in-law update: December 10, 2009

If we’re connected via twitter & facebook, you know that I had to drive down to Santa Barbara, CA so my wife could be with her brother who just had a heart attack. It was quite an interesting situation, and I’ll do my best to explain it briefly. First, I must say thank you again to all of my friends and faithful prayer people that saw my tweets/facebook updates and stood with us in prayer over my brother-in-law Allan and the situation. Lots was going on at the time and the timing was bad for us to be making the drive, but so many things came about that I attribute to God honoring all of the prayers that were lifted up for us. Thank you!!!!

    1. First thing to report is that Allan did have what appears to be a heart attack, yet there are no lasting signs of it. He has no scarring of the heart nor is there anything else to be concerned about that could lead to future heart attacks. There were no blockages in the arteries and no stroke. In essence, his heart stopped and he was resuscitated, but the doctors couldn’t find a reason for it happening, nor a reason why it should happen again. Also, there is no evidence to show it ever occurred. He was deemed heart-healthy.

    2. Apparently Allan did stop breathing and CPR was not performed until paramedics arrived. There is no evidence of any resulting brain damage at this point. He was on a respirator for a couple of days mainly because he was sedated. The doctors medicated him and put his body into a state of deep relaxation to help him recover, so the respirator was breathing on his behalf, but only while under the sedation.

    3. He wasn’t responsive to questions nor was he talkative during his time in the hospital. However, the doctors stated that this is a normal reaction from someone who had a heart attack. They pass out, wake up in a hospital, and are disoriented for awhile. We were concerned that there was some brain damage, but the tests came back negative.

    4. It basically seems to have come down to being diagnosed as a freak occurrence. The doctors said it could happen again, or it may not. No way of knowing, since they have no idea what caused the episode in the first place.

    5. It looks like Allan will be cleared to be released from the hospital today.

Throughout this situation it has been amazing to receive a bunch of prayer from friends and new friends, and then have a chance to watch God work through it all. Even things like the emergency happening during a time when hotel rates (which can run upwards of $400/night) were at their lowest of the season, and we were able to make the drive without rain/snow/fog impairing our visibility. They can appear as such simple things or things that operate outside of God’s control, yet I believe that so much was done on our behalf, through your prayers. I posted more of how this has helped to shape my personal perspective yesterday: Finding beauty in the chaos.

If you would still consider praying for Allan and the family as he comes through this time it would be greatly appreciated! My mother-in-law is with one of her daughters a few blocks from Allan’s apartment through the holidays. I’m hoping they can re-connect and spend some time together until I leave to pick her up after the first of the new year.

Again, thanks to everyone so much for the prayers, positive thoughts, and kindness extended to us. It is very much appreciated!

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9
Dec 09

Finding beauty in the chaos

I’m tapping this post out on my iPhone from the beach in Santa Barbara. I know how glamorous that sounds, but in my mind it really isn’t. A lot has been going on in my life lately, but this really isn’t about me. It’s about finding beauty in the midst of chaos and life’s uncertainties.

In the past I could expect to be really upset that the timing of my brother-in-law’s heartache was crappy. I had just driven 1,200 miles through Santa Barbara to get to some meeting in Los Angeles. After coming home I was back in the car 2 days later headed to Santa Barbara. I could hAve felt put out because my wife wouldn’t fly after having a claustrophobic panic attack during a flight home from Portland, OR a few weeks ago. Yes, the timing of things was verh unfortunate, but when is it ever fortunate for a family member to have a heart attack?

I feel like my life is headed into a tailspin of chaos and trying to make up for lost time. However, as I sit here writing this I know I would be an idiot for letting that take away from the beauty I sense at this moment: My wife has the opportunity to show her love for her brother Allan by being here for him
when no one else is. She gets to be strong and responsible by helping manage his care by answering questions for the doctors. My daughters who hate long car rides came with me and have been able to spend time as sisters, laughing and having fun as well as being on the beach, which they really enjoy. Through all of this my friends on twitter and facebook have supported us through powerful prayer and even those I never expected to pray are there calling on God on behalf of our family and God is responding. The timing of our trip is such that we missed the heavy rains here and can experience a sunny day and relaxing environment. So many things to find beauty in what otherwise could have been depressing and overwhelming.

Today isn’t a day for feeling down, because I can now see how days like this can’t just be coincidental. Attitudes of joy and caring just can’t come to the forefront for those of us consumed by our own personal issues. God’s divinity, grace, and love have been present in all of this. I remember a time when it would have been a about me and the crap being rained down on my life. God’s plan to take me away from that place is the most wonderful thing that could have ever happened to me. Seeing him healing my brother-in-law and my family through this emergency and. recognizing true love from my friends (and new friends) is something that can’t be taught. May God reveal his way to you in such times so that you too can look to the beauty that is present in your chaos.

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10
Jun 09

Coming up for air

What a crazy time it’s been for me as I jump head first into the deep waters of church planting. I’m feeling like I’ve been under too long and I need to come up for air. The bizarre thing is that I knew exactly what I was doing and what would happen, yet I kept driving myself to dive deeper and deeper.

Church planting and working to connect people with the Christ is an all-consuming thing. Seriously, when I’m immersed in my passion for the local church and seeing Christ known in the hearts of others I have time for little else. Isn’t that a great thing to be 100% focused on reaching others for the sake of the gospel? Well, not always. Here’s why:

  • My family has suffered because I put the church first
  • My business has shrunk greatly and the financial provision for my household has been significantly reduced (I have not been paid for any ministry work I have done for the past 4+ years).
  • I have spent less time in personal meditation in God’s Word and spent more time in prayer and intercession for others
  • I haven’t had a weekend off in the past 4+ years

Actually, I could add significantly more to the list above, but I think you get the picture already. Unfortunately, as I write this I know I am not the only one in this situation. It’s actually the main reason why I’m writing this. Pastor, it’s time to come up for air!

One of the things that I am so blessed to be able to reflect upon are the words of a friend of mine who helped mentor me a bit back in the early days. Danae Stewart is a go-getter and an enthusiastic, passionate, energetic woman fighting for the kingdom of God on all cylinders. One day in a phone conversation she asked me how old I was. At the time, I believe my answer was 39 years old. She then responded in a loving, yet stern voice by saying, “Dave, what’s your hurry? You’re only 40 years old! You have around 40 more years ahead of you. Why be so focused on starting a church plant now?” Well, 3 years later we finally saw our first public preview service happen. Obviously, Danae spoke into my life in a way that I knew I needed to take heed. I am so thankful she called me out that day and didn’t give in to my will and just encourage me.

So today, as I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and about to go into panic mode after looking at my bank balance and wondering why I’m where I’m at, I am coming up for air. The plan was to start weekly services in late August so no formal budget was in place for our preview service last Sunday. I paid for the sound equipment and all other materials needed for us to partner with LifeChurch.tv and 1,700 other churches in the One Prayer series (I explain more on One Prayer here). I paid for all the time away from my family. I’m now paying for the lack of attention to my business. However, knowing I would be where I am right now when it was all said and done, I wouldn’t have changed anything even if I could. The experience of doing something from scratch, trusting in God to provide the whole way is an experience I cherish because it brings me closer to my Creator. It gives me a story to tell and evidence of God’s hand in Revolution Church Sacramento that I can share with others and let them know he is real.

Pastor or future church planter, don’t ever let anyone rob you of your passion to enable God’s love to be expressed through the local church. However, please go into this with both eyes open and surround yourself with people that aren’t afraid to tell you the truth, even if it hurts your feelings. You do a good enough job lifting yourself up, so keep people around you that will keep you humble. Know that God doesn’t need you to be the savior of his people in your city. No matter how great you think your new church is, God is always going to raise someone else up to plant a church in your backyard that will: have a nicer building; draw in more people; get more publicity; seem to have more favor. However, your family can only have one husband, father, son, grandfather, brother (or only one wife, mother, daughter, grandmother, sister) that is embodied as you. Stay focused on God, but know that he has called your family to come before you church. Don’t think that you’ll make up for it on the back end by giving time to the church now and then taking time off for your family once things get going. The church will never get going enough for you to take that time you promised with your family and get away.

I am so blessed and honored to have the friends that God has surrounded me with. Their words continue to be what I reflect upon in time of need and cause me to pause and get back to being inspired through God’s Word for me. They make me stop diving deeper and deeper and retreat back to the surface to get some air so I can go back to into the water and continue my journey rather than suffocate and seeing my journey end in despair. Always, always remember to come up for air.

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2
May 08

Time: Where does it go?

Stop for a minute and take a look at what today’s date is. Can you believe this year has gone by this fast already? It’s kind of funny, but the older I get, the faster time seems to slip by.

So many things I’d like to do, but I just don’t get to them. Too many people to connect with that I end up overlooking someone. Places I’d like to go, but never have the opportunities. Is it really all just a matter of lost time?

Being 41 years old, I remember a lot of songs from the 1970′s. As I thought about how fast time has been passing me by this year, I was reminded of a song from Jim Croce called “Time in a Bottle” from 1972. The first verse is a very familiar one and it goes like this:

If I could save Time in a bottle
The first thing that I’d like to do
Is to save every day
‘Til Eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

Unfortunately, there is no way to put time in a bottle. Days come and days go--we can’t live in the past. I need to make a dedicated effort to be more concerned with the affairs of my life today rather than being so focused on the future. It’s a recurring theme with me as I set my sights on carrying out an exciting and life-changing vision I believe God has me journeying through. However, I need to trust God for tomorrow, make wise choices today, and stop and smell the roses that won’t be around tomorrow.

If I have not spent time with you because I’ve been too busy, I apologize. It’s easy to hide behind the idea that God’s work must come first, but I must receive my friends and family as the blessings that they are instead of considering them (consciously or subconsciously) to be burdens that take away my time from doing God’s work. I need to love God and love others ahead of loving my calling or enjoying the work of ministry.

As I right my course and re-direct my time to enjoy and appreciate those people that I have been fortunate to have in my life, I pray that God will season these relationships with grace and that we may pick up where we left off, almost as if time were in a bottle.

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