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Today I got caught up on reading some blogs. I know, not something I should be concerned about on my birthday, but it’s been overdue and since today is supposed to be my day, it’s all good Anyway, over at Brian Reyes-Chow’s blog I saw a personality profile and figured I’d give it a try. It seems everytime I do one of these things the results are always the same. After answering a bunch of questions I am determined to be a leader, visionary, director, influencer, forward-thinker, etc. It was so consistent that I stopped doing these about a year ago.

Today was a different story. Honestly, I have to say I was pretty stunned. Here is what came back on this personality test:

How the heck could I test like an engineer or intellectual. I am so the opposite of this! Or am I? I believe this confirms my current state of mind and why it isn’t the best time to be moving full speed ahead with the church plant. maybe the test results are reflecting the fact that I have a lot on my mind and that I am in prayer and seeking confirmations and direction from God and that I won’t forward without them. However, just maybe, this really is a true reflection of who I am and not how I am being as of today.

Being analytical or intellectual like an engineer may be fine traits to have, and at times I know I can work within these parameters, but for a church plant it can be death in my spirit. I have been against the analytical, intellectual approach to church planting. Even the name evokes some controversy on occasion even though Revolution Church will have nothing to do with being revolting (at least I hope not!) or starting rebellious movements in an anarchist kind of way. Church planting involves a lot of risk taking and the passion and perseverance to see things through knowing that at times there may be stumbling blocks and mistakes to overcome. Putting total trust in God and his goals can seem anti-intellectual to analytical types, but it honors God and through it he is revealed to the world.

So, while I’m shocked–more like: disturbed, freaked out, in denial, claiming conspiracy–I’m glad I took the test and I’m okay with it for now. I’ll take it as a sign that I need to spend some more time working on things here at home and on myself so that I can recover and get back on track with being able to fulfill the things that God has made me passionate about.

Father God, please give me a renewed heart and a renewed mind so that I may continue the work you have created me for. Order my steps, change my steps, send me back a few steps, whatever it takes. Give me the faith to follow your voice wherever it takes me and to be at peace with whatever the stops along the road look like. I pray that you will not give up on me and let me learn how to be more balanced in life, more loving of your people, driven to the right things for the right reasons, and to love myself as you have loved me. Until I know clearly what your will is for me and my family I will take rest and focus on those things you commanded to me in your word and lift up myself to you daily, sometimes even hourly, until you respond. May your will be done here as in heaven and may you give me a servants heart to carry out your purpose through me. In the name of Jesus, amen.

The winner of my american idol is…oh my there are two winners: the church and technology! Congratulations to the winners as they have successfully uprooted God in my life and have been worshipped in ways that I am not proud of.

I read a post a couple of weeks ago on Vince Antonucci’s blog about idolatrizing the church. You can read the post here. He was more focused on speaking about how pastors feel they need the church to grow in order to give them purpose and value. I don’t see my value or worth in the church, but I do feel like it gives me purpose. Additionally, I feel as if all of my hard work in learning how and when to use technology also leads to my purpose. I’m to mesh technology and the church in relevant ways to bring the gospel of Christ into the community and reach those that don’t know or won’t trust in Jesus. Notice the glaring error in the previous statement? Read it again. I begin the sentence with “I’m” almost as if it is up to me and has nothing to do with God. I don’t believe it’s up to me, but somedays I think and do things that reflect that maybe I do believe it’s up to me. In a word, I believe this is idolatry. I’m in essence worshipping things in my life and putting them before God.

What happens when one puts things in front of God? Well, in my case, it has put my life in a stand still and may be actually taking all of the postive steps forward and causing me to retreat and re-group.

God has granted some amazing talents and abilities during my lifetime, even when I did not believe he existed. Although I experienced some failures along the way, there were far more successes in my past that allowed me be strong and perseverent. God was shaping and molding me to move in faith and start a church plant. It was clear to me within days after being born again and coming into the presence of the Lord. It was as if all that I had gone through was leading me to leading a church plant and therefore it is that process that gave me purpose. Eventually, the purpose seemed to take a stronghold in my life and it became more about what I was doing to achieve the goal rather than what God wanted me to do today. Technology was a big part of that as well as I spent long hours blending sermons and order of service to perfection with technology.

Sure, I prayed a lot. Yes, I put things on hold because I felt that God wasn’t ready to move me forward. However, the focus has always been about planting a church and everything about the process of doing this has taken center stage in my life.

The sad reality is that I truly believe I am called to do the work I am doing, yet my being out of balance could ruin the opportunity. It’s become a divisive issue in my household and when my wife isn’t inline with my timing I tend to push things because I’ve worked so hard and am so, so close to the launch date. Again, the word “I” becomes prevalent. Is it what I want, or is it what God wants? Was it all just a learning process or an exercise like Abraham ready to sacrifice Isaac as a show of faith, or what? Would God move me along this process and get me to my goal only to take me out and have me do something else? Yes, it’s possible and yes, I need to look to God and listen to his voice and follow his lead.

My most-beloved friend was taken away from me a couple of months ago. It was my Mac Powerbook notebook computer. We’d done so much ministry work together. It was always there for me and ready to get me out of any jam. When I needed some help to illustrate a point or something to make people laugh, it was ready with video and audio…it had my back! Then, one day in service the computer fell to the ground and the screen went dead. If that wasn’t enough, it fell to the floor a second time in the same service. Dead screen, no more sound…it was as if the world had ended!

Things don’t seem to be ready to move forward with planting a church right now. Technology doesn’t seem to have a place in sermons anymore because my Mac is not by my side these days. I realize that I don’t need the church or technology to give me passion for God and his people. I need to have passion for his people and his church because of God’s will, not for God’s pleasure. He must be the one thing driving every aspect of the process. If he’s not getting my wife passionate about it–even though her words have told me she supported the project–I have to learn to trust the signs and seek to love her more and give her space and let God reveal himself rather than push forward believing he will be honored and glorified through my focus and steadfastness.

God, my life is in your hands. My heart is at your mercy. My household is crumbling and I seek your foundation in our lives. Bring me back into your grace and use me in any way, for any thing. I want to be your light and your salt to anyone that will see and hear your son Jesus through me. For now, I wait patiently for your direction and pray for the wisdom and discernment to know your voice and to respond appropriately. May I never again put anything ahead of you, ever.

As I’ve been thinking more and more about leading a missional community through Revolution Church Sacramento next year, I’ve also had thoughts about video preaching as part of what we do. Coinciding with these thoughts was a blog post by Perry Noble that reinforced his position that video teaching honors God and connects with people.

When we did our first month of preview services to share our vision with the members of our mother church, it was video preaching for 3 weeks, with me preaching 1 week. We participated in the One Prayer with LifeChurch.tv which many of you know about already. I was so totally blown away by the quality of the preaching from Perry Noble and Steven Furtick that I was hooked. I mean, I think I can be a pretty funny guy, but usually I evoke a laugh or two during a message while Noble just raised the roof and kept it up the whole 30 minutes. The guy seems like he isn’t even trying, yet he causes us to fire on several emotions in just one message. All this and he wasn’t even in the building! How can a guy in South Carolina talking about eating big, buttery biscuits and people believing or not believing in the power of Christ connect so well with us here in California? I don’t know how or why, but I just know what I saw and how people responded and it was amazing and incredible. Pastor Furtick is another one of those guys that doesn’t seem like he is trying, yet he can convey passion about watching an ice cube in such a way that you never thought possible all through the power of Christ in his life and his love for seeing people hear the gospel and come to know the saving grace of Christ. I was teary-eyed during the last half of his message and again, he wasn’t even in the building!

Can a guy like Noble or Furtick cause things to be stirred up here in Sacramento through video preaching? I think they could. As Revolution Church Sacramento takes shape and launches next year, we are looking to connect with a younger generation for Saturday and/or Sunday evening service. Mostly singles and young couples. However, could we partner with a great visionary preacher like a Pastor Noble or Pastor Furtick (or a Craig Groeschel or Ed Young, Jr. or…) and provide a gathering for families on Sunday mornings and see the kingdom grow even more? Could being missional and putting our faith into practice and sharing the love of Christ with the world be the glue that binds us together, even though we have two different worship styles, with two different meeting times, and two different demographics? I’m beginning to think we could. I’m feeling like the work that needs to be done here in Sacramento is far greater than what I could do even on my best days, and that partnering with another ministry with someone that can lead the way through their preaching and teaching while we work to connect people into service could honor God hugely. Who says that multiple services on a weekend must be the same exact message with the same exact preacher every time?

Maybe this is just another one of those dreams too big for the moment or my abilities. Could be that my mind is wandering and this isn’t what my thoughts should be on these days. However, I just can’t help but feel like this is worth some prayer and discussion and seeing what God would have me do here. My preaching doesn’t really translate well to video, but I’ve seen others with the gift for it and know that it’s being used to make a big impact on people in awesome ways. Just consider me more than a little intrigued at this point.

I invite your prayers and thoughts on this.

Something has my mind contemplating the change of seasons. It’s cold outside and leaves are dropping. It finally feels as if summer has left us and we are now into fall.

Living in Sacramento we experience very distinct seasons. Summer is hot and dry, fall is cool and breezy, winter is cold and rainy, and spring starts the cycle all over again with mild, sunny days and blooming flowers everywhere. I’ve talked to people about how I enjoyed my brief period living in the Los Angeles area. I spent about 6 months in Redondo Beach and loved it. It was generally around 70 degrees in the day, about 50 degrees at night and very little rain. I lived one block from the beach and used to walk there almost daily. No smog, no traffic, no glaring displays of wealth…for me it was great! Many people I talk to though have a different experience. They hate it because everyday is like the same to them. They need to experience changes in season. As I think about this I wonder how these people feel when they experience changes of season in their own personal lives. Not changes in weather, but changes in their lifestyle, finances, relationships, etc. It seems that many want to go through changing seasons of the weather, but not of their lives. We are creatures of habit and don’t like being made to feel uncomfortable.

As it gets colder outside, I have the luxury of being able to add another blanket to the bed or turning the heater on rather than feeling cold. I don’t need to complain as I have things I can do. What about in life though? When things get uncomfortable do we seek to change the situation for the better or do we complain about the situation? Think about it.

As fall is here I sense a season about to change in my life as well. Actually, this year has been filled with changes. Some things are being forced upon me that I’m not happy about, but through my faith I know that God has a solution if I open my eyes and ears and seek it rather than sit around and complain about it. Even with some potentially uncomfortable things about to happen and even with the weather turning colder and rain about to come I am having a positive outlook on the future. I’m willing to face the challenges and deal with them knowing that it will make for a brighter future and renew me and prepare me to blossom in much the same way the rain comes to prepare the flowers to be renewed when the spring sun comes and invites them to shine brightly under the warm skies.

Seasons change. This time I’m gonna be ready.

One of the things I struggle with sometimes is my imbalance in my faith. What I mean is that I have had 37 years to live in the world and in worldly ways, yet only about the past 4 years to live as a believer and student of Christ’s teachings. I’ve been told by many that I have grown quickly in my knowledge and faith and it’s a testament to the transforming power of God, yet obviously I have a long way to go still.

I used to say a lot of things that could be misconstrued as hurtful, all in the name of getting people to laugh. Sarcasm is something that I have difficulty with. It comes so naturally to me that many times I don’t realize I’m being sarcastic until after the words have left my tongue. Nothing I say is ever sarcastic in such a manner that it speaks some truth, it is always just said in a harmless and joking manner. However, I’ve seen that what is funny to me and others around me may not be funny to the person the words were directed towards.

There isn’t any one instance that convicted me and has me repenting, but it’s just a general sense that this is something I must be very careful about and one of the things I do that does not honor God. As it is written in Ephesians 4:29:

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Therefore I must be careful with my words and fight the automatic nature of my use of sarcasm for humor. Just as I don’t need to use profanity or sexual innuendo to be funny, I don’t need to rely on sarcasm for humor either. Today I pledge to remove sarcastic comments from my mouth, never to return in the name of Jesus. Please pray for me.

While responding to a blog post recently I was compelled to introduce a concept to those that follow my blog. It’s a story that was briefly introduced awhile ago, yet only engaged new Asian readers into the discussion, while most of my readership is not Asian. Asian or not, this is an issue that we must face within the church and I’m curious what you all think.

A reply to one of my comments on the blog was:

“In the short-run, you are right, i don’t think you’ll see much positive growth at all, but ethnicity needs to validated as a gift from God and our inheritance from our immigrant parents. so while i agree with your implication that many would benefit from a multi-ethnic or missional church (culture/ethnicity can be viewed as an inefficiency from many people’s eyes, but), an honest exploration into the question of why God created us to be from a certain place and of a certain people should inspire us to discover our ethnicities and cultures in a redemptive light.

This is where i think the example of the people of israel and the biblical practice of remembering, remembering what God has done, who God is, and who God has made us to be, a very real practice to engage in the ethnic context.”

First of all, let me state very clearly that I am extrapolating something from a post that had a larger context. It is not my intention to argue or criticize the blog author or anyone that shares his viewpoint. I am just taking the statement and inflecting my experiences and ideas in the hopes of engaging in some dialog about the subject (hopefully) from both Asian and non-Asians.

Okay, so I’m Japanese, but I’ll admit there were some times in my life where I wished I could have been born looking like Brad Pitt or Joe Montana (nod to my NorCal upbringing) or David Cassidy. Usually it was so that I could have a girl attracted to me that wouldn’t date me because I was Japanese or so that I could avoid the words and violence associated with racism and prejudice. However, I am who I am and all that I am is for the glory of God.

However, do I want to celebrate my heritage in such a way that I need to have everyone around me be Japanese and understand my culture and my language when I’m in a Sunday church service? Is preserving my heritage in such a way something that can honor God much in the same way that the Israelites were true to their place as God’s chosen people? Did God create me as a Japanese person to engage only other Japanese people and rally us around a common cause of preserving who we are?

The Israelites were in-fact God’s chosen people. They were to inherit the earth as Abraham’s descendants. They were not to intermarry or in anyway corrupt the lineage. However, even in the Old Testament we see evidence of something that goes against this notion. Ruth was a Gentile that came to faith in the one true God. Not just any Gentile, but a Moabite and therefore hated by the Israelites. Ruth marries Boaz and bears a son that can be traced to the family line of Jesus himself.

As we see here, introducing Ruth into the Israelite culture of Judah had a profound place in history. Therefore, what is my place as a Japanese person living in the United States? Am I to segregate myself to a place where I can teach the things of God based on the context of my Japanese culture for those that will understand it because they too are Japanese? Or should I celebrate who I am in Christ and share my culture and experience with others so that they may benefit?

Let me shift to a different scenario to help me make my point. With Barack Obama’s candidacy the discussion of black church and white church came up in the media. There were some black churches (I personally dislike this label even though it is socially acceptable) where the message was preached against white America. It was almost an us-against-them mentality that was glorified. However, what if instead of trying to empower African-Americans in the church to stand up to social injustice from the caucasian world they tried to share their stories outside of the black church in a way that brought attention to what has gone on and continues to go on in their lives? How can white America know what is going on in the black community if the black community segregates themselves from the rest of us? The same is true with Asian-Americans in my opinion.

I talk to so many people today that have no clue what I go through as an Asian-American in society. So many think that racism and prejudice is a thing of the past. You wouldn’t believe how many people think I must be smart in math or must have gone to college at UCLA or Cal or that I must be an engineer or know all there is to know about computers or ask me questions about sushi. The outright hatred of me due to my Asian features has diminished greatly over the years, but the stereotypes have not. How does being exclusively with other Japanese people on Sundays help me to make a difference? What if I could take the fulfillment of one of God’s Ten Commandments to honor your mother and father to a whole ‘nother level by introducing my Japanese culture of being there for my parents in ways that aren’t the norm here in America?

I believe that God created me more to honor him and bring glory to his Son Jesus through my unique perspective of a Japanese person with my own individual experiences than he did to see me perpetuate my ethnic values and cultures at all costs. As the Great Commandment in Matthew 25 calls us to do, we are to preach the gospel to all nations and teach them what Christ has taught us. He didn’t say each nation is responsible for the preaching of the gospel to themselves. Three thousand didn’t come to Jerusalem on the day of Pentecost and believe so that they could go back to their nations and keep their faith within the borders of their individual nations. Paul didn’t preach there is neither slave nor free, Jew nor Gentile only to see us reverse that in order to preserve our ethnic culture in a new land.

I should not have the viewpoint that I am Japanese and you are not so I can perpetuate my culture and heritage in my church and you are excluded, therefore you lose out on all that you could gain through knowing and understanding who I am and what I experienced. Through knowing my struggles with racism and prejudice and the pressures I faced in school here in America you can have some insight on persecution for who I am and how I dealt and continue to deal with that now that I am a Japanese person and a Christian. You can learn how some of the values revealed to us through the Scriptures have been in place in the country of my birth even though less than 1/10th of 1 percent of its people are Christian and how that breaks my heart. You can learn how to look at me as a brother or sister in Christ with individual experiences I can bring to the table and share rather than someone you have no idea how to address since you couldn’t be as mathematical or technologically savvy as me or because you don’t like sushi or whatever.

The harsh reality is that I am different from most of you. Heck, I’m different from many Japanese people as well. However, not only do I truly believe that you can learn from me, I absolutely know that I can learn from you. Together we can celebrate all of God’s people and all that he is doing in this world as the brothers and sisters he created us to be.

This is the first birthday for my mom where she isn’t here to celebrate it. Those of you that know me, know that she passed away unexpectedly back in May. She would have been 87 today.

I’ve come to learn and understand that we can’t look to the past and still live for the future. We must look beyond things we have done without regret and realize that every action had some meaning and importance in creating who we are today and who we will be tomorrow. I’ve made many mistakes in my life, but really don’t have regrets. However, I am feeling inclined to reflect on my childhood and my relationship with my mom.

Dave Gibbons spoke about his Korean mom having a Korean accent and trying to get a discount on some clothes at a store while he was growing up and how it embarrassed him. He used the illustration to begin the sermon he did for the One Prayer campaign for LifeChurch.tv. The illustration was funny to me as I could totally relate. My mom came to the US when she was in her 30’s and her English could be a little hard to understand for many. I grew up hearing her voice and understood her 100%, but I could understand why some others could not. Her Japanese culture was deeply a part of who she was and she was not ashamed. However, at times I feel ashamed because I wanted to distance myself from my mom. Frankly, at times she embarrassed me. Usually, it was in a very public setting and I hated having negative attention cast upon me as a child, especially from strangers.

I wasn’t appreciative of my mom’s love at times and defied her several times. In hindsight, it saddens to me recall some of those moments. However, I learned later in life to appreciate my mom and to love her and be there for her. Not because I owed it to her, but because it was a part of who I was and couldn’t imagine not being there for her. At times I feel like I was closer to her in the past 7 years than I had been the whole time I was growing up. We got to do things together that were fun for her and often-times planned vacations around things she wanted to do. Seeing her peaceful expression and hearing her words of contentment and pleasure while relaxing on a cruise ship or being outdoors or enjoying a nice seafood dinner in the Pacific Northwest were some of the most satisfying times I can remember. Being able to be there for my mom in the latter years of her life, especially after my dad passed away, made me feel like I was fulfilling my purpose. Not that I was trying to make up for the disrespect or unappreciation of my mom while growing up as those things weren’t even in my mind until recently, but it just felt like this was the way it was supposed to be. I am thankful that God provided a way for me to survive in this world in such a way that I had the time and resources to be with my mom and to care for her and love her as she had cared for and loved me throughout my life. I am thankful that she had an opportunity to spend time with my daughters Megan and Samantha as they were growing up.

It is my prayer that my mom is resting in peace with the Lord and that we will be reunited at the appropriate time. She never professed her faith in Christ in my presence, but I know that he touched her life in a tangible way. I’m hoping I’ll have the chance one day to put into words for her what I tried to put into words here. I love you mom! You’ve influenced me and helped me to help others more than you may ever know.

As I reflect, pray, read Scripture and look deep into my heart about the process of church planting I am overwhelmed at all who have been called before me and all that will be called after me. I must never lose sight on God’s amazing grace in my life and this is all for him.

The song “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns is really speaking to me right now. Take a look at the lyrics in the video below and relate them to where you are right now in this moment. May God speak to you and bless you through this song as he has for me…

Ron Edmondson posted about Spiritual highs and spiritual lows and it hit me where I was at in a way nothing else had all week. There have been so many ups and downs this year. A lot of time the up moments have been followed with a big swing down. As Pastor Ron shares in his blog:

It reminded me of a principle God has taught me over the years that is incredibly important for all believers to understand. After a period of spiritual highs there will most always be a period of spiritual lows.

It even happened to Jesus. Consider His baptism experience: As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.d (Mark 1:10-11) This was certainly a high point for Jesus.

What happened next? At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert, and he was in the desert forty days, being tempted by Satan. (Mark 1:12-13)

I totally forgot about that passage from Mark 12! I’m not sure if I would consider myself being tempted by Satan, but I haven’t been in the mood to celebrate the many victories done in the name of the Lord this year. I can relate to being in the desert all alone. For the sake of others around me I need to find a way to be encouraged and show my faith and trust in God and let his peace and joy be my own. It’s been tough lately. I probably owe some people apologies as a result of it.

Having people around you that know your walk and can just listen and encourage is definitely going to be an important thing. Unfortunately for me, the friends I’ve known forever and that know me well aren’t Christian and can’t relate to my burdens and struggles. So for now, I just need to spend a lot of time in prayer and try to be at peace without getting too excited or too depressed. It’s not about me anyway, even though it can feel like it sometimes. In God I put my trust and believe that he knows my heart and my humility and that I’ll get through this season and coming out gold

I am reading a lot of reports that show myspace as having more subscribers, but that Facebook is fast becoming the social network of choice. I think a lot of this coincides with the emergence of web 2.0 as Facebook fits within the parameters of web 2.0 much better than Myspace.

For me, they are vastly different forums and they each serve separate purposes:

Facebook-

• clean and consistent feel so no surprises
• consistency leads to a generic sense of place with no real individualistic identity
• allows one to get info quick and run off to the next task
• better suited for networking with others than facilitating relationship building
• links very seamlessly with blogs such as blogger, typepad, etc.
• for whatever reason it has gained more respect and credibility from adults (adults are more inclined to link to a facebook profile page rather a myspace profile page
• can’t send links to friends advertising your facebook (friends need to search for your name and then have to be accepted by you before they can see your full page)

Myspace-

• very personalized - lots of creative freedom for background images, different layouts, fonts, etc.
• blogs and categories used by many that don’t want to maintain a blog and social networking account separately. includes notifications to friends on myspace of new posts and encourages feedback.
• more standardized for chatting and messaging. intended to be an experience and to allow us to live life connected with others though photos, bulletins, blog, im, polls/surveys, etc.
• can be used for advertising and promotion of events since direct URL access is available (i.e. www.myspace.com/mybirthdayparty)
• promotes a better sense of community because of the interaction

Because of certain relationships I have built in the past 3 years on myspace, I still maintain a blog and engage some agnostic and atheist friends in discussions. I say hello and offer encouragement to people around the world and they do the same for me. However, I found that over the course of this year I have spent much less time trying to stand and be technologically creative and captivating on myspace. I went back to the generic profile with a white background. In essence, my myspace profile is beginning to look similar to my facebook profile.

Facebook can be quite distracting to me at times with all the applications that can be added. I’ve been able to do away with most of those things. I’ve linked my facebook profile to this blog and have been networked to people though it. There is no myspace badge which allows that. I’ve noticed too that most pastors my age or younger are promoting their Facebook profiles so this allows me to network with other people that are planting churches or considering planting churches. That has been interesting for me However, I still find way less interaction with people through Facebook. It seems very informational and not so much relational. In a fast-paced world this makes sense and its simplicity is appreciated. It just seems a little impersonal.

So, in conclusion, I utilize Facebook to network with people and get glimpses of their daily lives and thoughts and they do the same towards me. I send updates and photos from my cell phone. I even just added a Facebook toolbar to Firefox so I can share my browsing experience with my Facebook network. Facebook is a great tool for this aspect of social networking. However, I still believe that there is a place for Myspace and the relationships that I can maintain and the new ones I can create through the more personal interaction through its way of social networking. I don’t think either will consolidate things to replace the other with one social networking platform that is the king of internet interaction. So for now, I’ll maintain the blog and Myspace and Facebook.

Anything you’d add to this or care to comment on?