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One of the things that first gave me hope and encouragement when I started down the path of preparing for church planting was the writings of Dallas Willard. One of the first pastors that actually sat me down and spoke wisdom to me was a man named Kent Carlson, senior pastor of Oak Hills Church in Folsom, CA. He recommended I read The Divine Conspiracy: Rediscovering Our Hidden Life in God. Then, while I was in seminary I heard a lecture from John Ortberg, senior pastor of Menlo Park Presbyterian Church as he shared how Dallas Willard changed his ministry.

I am reminded today of Mr. Willard and all that he lended to the vision God shared with me for his church and how what Gpd put in my heart could be used in the context of church even though it wasn’t conventional or traditional or understood by those from traditional church circles. As I spend time this week seeing my passion for God’s people and his kingdom rekindled through re-reading The Divine Conspiracy, let me share with you some famous quotes from Dallas Willard:

• “The greatest challenge the church faces today is to be authentic disciples of Jesus.”
• “If you don’t have a teacher you can’t have a disciple.”
• “Does the Gospel I preach and teach have a natural tendency to cause people who hear it to become full-time students of Jesus? Would those who believe it become his apprentices as a natural ‘next step’? What can we reasonably expect would result from people actually believing the substance of my message?”
• “Generally, what I find is that the ordinary people who come to church are basically running their lives on their own, utilizing . . . their natural abilities . . . to negotiate their way. They believe there is a God and they need to check in with him. But they don’t have any sense that he is an active agent in their lives. As a result, they don’t become disciples of Jesus. They consume his merits and the services of the church [,but] discipleship is no essential part of Christianity today.”
• “There is nothing that can be done with anger that cannot
  be done better without it.”
• “We should not only want to be merciful, kind, unassuming, and patient persons but also be making plans to become so.”
• “We need to have vision, intention and means in order to achieve spiritual formation. That’s the basic issue regarding the teaching of Jesus. There isn’t a single thing that Jesus taught that a person cannot by engaging His grace come to do. Not a single thing. But you have to want to. And you have to decide to. And that’s what is lacking.”
• The revolution of Jesus is first and always a revolution of the human heart. His revolution does not proceed through the means of social institutions and laws—the outer forms of our existence—intending that these would then impose a good order of life upon people who come under their power. Rather, his is a revolution of character, which proceeds by changing people from the inside through ongoing personal relationship with God and one another. It is a revolution that changes people’s ideas, beliefs, feelings, and habits of choice, as well as their bodily tendencies and social relations. It penetrates the deepest layers of their soul. External, social arrangements may be useful to this end, but they are not the end, nor are they a fundamental part of the means.

I’ll post something in-context from The Divine Conspiracy tomorrow.

I’m feeling content with where I am at this week. I’m taking a break to seek God and only do ministry that he calls me to do, rather than what I feel I need to do in order to get to where I think he wants me to go. For the first time in my journey as a Christian I am not sure what tomorrow holds, yet I am feeling great peace in knowing that I can work through this time with God and not be before his people and potentially cause them to stumble.

For my last sermon last Sunday, I spoke about Romans 15:13. It’s my favorite verse in the entire Bible and it speaks to me in amazing ways…when I allow it to speak to me. Sometimes I take this verse for granted and it’s a terrible thing to do with God’s word. I’ve repented and I’ve been humbled before my Lord. I am learning to live in hope for tomorrow, yet recognizing the beauty of what God has placed before me today. I am hopeful that my time with my family will be honored by God and that he will use me to touch my daughters in ways that they will come to Christ and commit their lives to him as their Lord and Savior. Through my time of renewal and learning to wait on God, I am hopeful that he will call and I will answer in faith. In recognizing how far I have come, and realizing how far I have to go, that God will meet me where I am and show me the way to take those things that I have been gifted at doing and combining them with those things that God has burdened my heart for and made me passionate about. There is much to be hopeful for in the new place I am at this week and what a joyful and peaceful place I find myself as I remind myself of his promise to me and the promise he made to all of his people.

Romans 15:13- May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Lord God, I pray that you wil fill your people with the hope that will change the world. That through their witness you will become known to those that did not know you before. That the hope that overflows rains down upon those in darkness and calls them to come into your light. May we learn to trust in you so deeply that your Holy Spirit can give us joy and peace through the hope you pour into our spirit, so much so that it overflows into those you have placed around us. In Christ’s name, amen.

When I was feeling lost and hopeless, I shared my struggle with my friend David Meysembourg through a message on facebook. Once I hit the “send” button I felt a little odd. Why did I burden my busy friend with my stupid situation? I know what ministry and church planting calls me to sacrifice and work through, so I feel like such a dummy for crying on his shoulder. It was an impulse thing I did, that had I thought more about it, I probably would have never even written that message. Well, instead of just telling me to keep my chin up and hang in there, he replied with an awesome prayer that was so amazing that I was humbled and convicted. It was if this prayer had so much power that I could not even get myself to speak this to my God without fear that he would call me out for coming before him without believing it with all of my heart and soul. I was in a pretty dark place and God knew it.

As I am seeking God for where he will order my steps to go next, I am focusing on getting to a place where this prayer can have the meaning that God wants it to have from my heart to his ear. As I share this prayer with you, I pray that God may use this prayer to speak powerfully to where you are at and to have you present yourself before God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of God:

God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I’m an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I’m never out of your sight. You know everything I’m going to say
before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and you’re there, then up ahead and you’re there, too— your reassuring presence, coming and going.

This is too much, too wonderful— I can’t take it all in!

Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight? If I climb to the sky, you’re there! If I go underground, you’re there! If I flew on morning’s wings to the far western horizon, You’d find me in a minute— you’re already there waiting!

Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I’m immersed in the light! It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!

I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.

Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful! God, I’ll never comprehend them! I couldn’t even begin to count them— any more than I could count the sand of the sea.

Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you! And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!

And you murderers—out of here!— all the men and women who belittle you, God, infatuated with cheap god-imitations.

See how I hate those who hate you, God, see how I loathe all this godless arrogance; I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
Your enemies are my enemies!

Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about; See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.

Lord, we lift this psalm to you in Jesus’ name, amen.

Father, thank you for caring for me so much that you would send this powerful prayer to me through the blessing I know as David Meysembourg. What a great friend who is there for me whenever I call–a friend that inspires me and encourages me to trust in you and to live the life you’ve called me to live, whether it be in the church, the board room, or a classroom. My life belongs to you and I pray that I may have the humility and faithfulness to let you use me in your way, rather than have me turn away and do things my way. In the name of Jesus, amen.

This song from my childhood was on my mind last night. It reminds me of my current situation. I feel like I’m continually moving in a circle, revolving around and never breaking out of my rut. It’s been a lonely and sometimes desparate place for me.

Yesterday I gave my last sermon before my home church. Oddly enough, after all that I had done to prepare myself for the ministry of preaching in the past 3 years, I feel at peace with knowing I won’t be preaching in the near future. It’s been a struggle. I’ve been influenced by what I think people want to see and hear from me, while at the same time trying to be unconventional in a conventional church setting.

The wheels of the bus kept going ’round and ’round and it seems no one wanted to stop and get off. Well, I finally made the decisions that I needed to seek change. My last 3 years of ministry have been quite a journey. I’ve learned a lot, grown a lot, and slid backwards a lot. Most of the times I felt like the proverbial square peg trying to be pushed into the round hole. I have nothing but positive to things to say from my experience and I am so very appreciative that my senior pastor gave me room to spread my wings and fly when most wouldn’t even respect my calling due to my limited experience in church and my only being a Christian for about 4 years.

There is one thing I’ve learned in my years of working in the secular world, and that is to not go to work out of obligation or to show up being less-than-enthusiastic. I won’t allow myself nor those in God’s church to be exposed to my ministry if this is what I am bringing. After 3 years of never missing a Sunday or being able to get away for a family vacation, I felt the pressure of burnout. My life was out of balance. My eyes were firmly fixed on planting a church at all costs and ignoring those things that God had put before me today. I kept moving toward the finish line, yet feeling like my legs were tied together and I was not getting very far. It could keep going and expend a ton of energy and continue to be frustrated, or I can just stop and untie my legs, learn to walk with both legs working in unison and get them pointed in the right direction, and then be assured of finishing the race with the strength that Christ equips me with.

The diffifulty in all of this is finding it so difficult to find people that are in my network that truly understand the missional church and how leading a missional church is so different from leading an attractional church or a traditional church where people are taught the word of God, yet not really called upon to commit anything to action. I want to challenge people and ask them to commit to a life of faith with me! I want people to challenge me and ask me to commit to a life of faith with them! I feel a deep desire and longing to be the church and to share the love of Christ with those that do not know him. I feel now is the time to get things in order within my household and to wait on God to show me the way to honoring him and reaching his people for Christ. It’s as if it’s part of my DNA and I can’t shake it even if I want to. It’s time for me to enter into the next phase of my journey and I need to stand firm with the belt of truth around my waist, the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with my feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. Lord, I come to you humbled, broken and sorrowful, yet I am hopeful that you will speak to me and show me the way to be led back to you.

Father God, I am sorry for getting to the place where the wheels on the bus went ’round and ’round. I ask your forgiveness for not being renewed daily and letting you transform my mind and spirit for the sake of your precious gospel. Lord, I cannot pretend anymore and I do not want to cause your children to stumble. As I remove myself from ministry for the sake of humbling myself and learning to trust you and seek you and not believe in my own strength, would you please surround me with people that will help me to be held accountable and to monitor my spiritual health? Will you put some people in our path so that my wife and I can learn to love each other as Christ loves us so that we can walk the path of this journey together in harmony and peace so that you may use us to help see lives transformed and love to fill the hearts of our community? As you draw us close to you, may you connect us with others that are passionate for your church, sympathetic to our struggles, and witnesses to standing upon faith. Cause us to put all things at the foot of the cross and to be burdened only for those things that you place upon our hearts. Make us one, in our marriage, in our family, in our city, in this world. In the name of Jesus, amen.

I have to admit that I’ve been out of my element for quite awhile. I’m bewildered, frustrated, contemplative, hesitant, timid, uncertain, rebellious, and several other adjectives that aren’t generally used to describe me. What’s been causing this you may ask? Well, if you’ve followed this blog lately you’ll know that I am struggling with my role in ministry and what lies ahead for me. For the first time in my 4 year journey as a church planter in training I am questioning whether this is what God is intending for me. Specifically, my heart for church planting is there and my passion lies in seeing God transform the lives of those that were deemed to be unchangable. It’s other factors in my home life that have caused me to question this as I truly believe my wife and I were called as a team to plant together. That God would connect her gifts with my gifts (which are quite different) for the glory of God.

However, as I pray–sometimes fasting and praying–and waiting on God’s voice, I find that there is no response. I feel distant from God. Thus I am not acting within my comfort zone as I feel like I’ve lost the assurance I was working under previously. I do not want to go ahead of God or act in such a way that I am not seeking his will and following the path he has directed me to. Hence, the timidness, confusion, etc.

I was praying and meditating and something has been getting my attention this week. It seems that everyone God is connecting me to in ministry lately seems to be Asian-American. I’ve engaged in conversation and debate with several new friends in Asian-American ministry and without exception they all feel that there is a need to develop such ministry in the future, but I have been fighting that trend believing that God wanted me to reach out to all people, regardless of ethnicity or color, and help unite them in Christ. Now, I am questioning that…a lot! Why would God connect me with these people? Is it to keep me convicted in the vision I believe he gave me, or is it his way of speaking to me and answering my prayers for direction through these discussions?

All roads seems to be leading me to explore what my role could be in an Asian-American ministry could be, yet I hesitate and resist. Then, another incident compounded this. My senior pastor tells me last night in our bible study that he saw a comment from Dave Gibbons on my Facebook profile and that he went to seminary with, and served alongside in a church with him. Pastor Gibbons has been getting a lot of attention with what God has been doing through Newsong church and was someone that many had mentioned to me as somebody to look at as an example of multi-cultural ministry within the context of being Asian-American.

So, when all roads seem to lead to the same place, but I still feel I want to resist going in that direction, I need to stop and pause, give praise to God, and start looking into this for real and as a possible way that God is speaking to me through others. Unfortunately, I can’t jump into this belieiving it is the direction I’ve been waiting for, but I pray that this will be an important aspect of the discernment process and that this will cause some things to begin to take shape in my marriage to help us be more unified. Please pray for me in this time of listening and discernment, and please pray for my wife and I to come together and experience ministry in harmony and in love and in ways that God can use us to help see other lives transformed by the power of his gospel.

Don’t know why this thought popped into my head this morning, but I was thinking about tv commercials. Not specific commercials, but the time that commercials air. I have dvr (tivo) on my cable receiver now. I’ve never had it until about 2 months ago and I just love it! The best thing about it, aside from not having to be glued to the tv at the exact time that shows come on, is that I can skip past the commercials. However, this morning I was wondering if that was such a good idea.

Programs on tv are mostly designed to take advantage of commercial breaks. Tension builds and then it’s time to cut to commercial. It’s designed to leave us hanging. We have a chance to take a break and contemplate what is about to happen next. It leaves us with a sense of anticipation. We get up and go to the bathroom or grab a drink or a snack or talk to others about what we just saw and what we think is gonna happen next. Now, with my dvr, when I sense a commercial about to start I reach for the remote and the instant the program stops I fast forward so I don’t lose any time. A few seconds later I’ve skipped past the commercials and get back to the action. I lose that time to deal with anticipation and engage my mind in thought. I go right back to the program.

This morning I was thinking that this is exactly what I do in my life. I am so focused on getting through the journey that I don’t want to break away from it. I want to keep going. I am driven and motivated and passionate and perseverant. All good traits in most peoples minds, but for me at this moment, I am feeling like they are bad traits. They have caused me to keep moving forward at the cost of stopping to enjoy what is going on around. The things that God has blessed me with have been taken for granted and everything else has been set aside for the sake of pursuing the goal. I need to stop in the middle of the tension and the drama of life and think about things more. I’ve found myself stopping and being contemplative *after* I’ve taken steps rather than before the steps. I’m not stopping to appreciate all that the commercial breaks can give my life.

I’m looking forward to not fast forwarding through commercials and seeing how that changes my perception of shows I watch on tv. I’m also looking forward to engaging my senses and enjoying all that God has surrounded me with as I pause to think and adjust to what’s going on in my life rather than rush right through things on my way to fulfill the conclusion.

Another blog I caught up on was Matt Sweetman’s. He interviewed Steve Nicholson, the church planting director of Vineyard USA. Here are two of the questions:

Matt: How do you go about finding guys who are church planters and then training them to do so?

Steve: For me, I tend to start fairly young. So, with some guys I figure out that they are a church planter when they are still in high school. Even though they may not plant for another 10 years. But you are looking for people who are leaders, who can articulate themselves, who know how to put a team together, who can break a vision down into steps which they can actually do. You are looking for catalytic people who tend to start things and lead people everywhere they go. A good church planter looks like a good business entrepreneur.

Matt: Do you find that you get a lot of guys from the business world who are interested in church planting?

Steve: Sometimes we do, later in life. They spend time in business and then feel like they are ready for a change. They always make good church planters.

Well, even though my personality test may have revealed otherwise, I know that within my inherent nature the above-used words do describe me. Does it mean I should continue as a church planter? That is completely and solely up to God, but it’s a bit of encouragement I could use today

Warning: Twiter language about to be used here, so if you’re out of the loop, check out twitter.com

I’ve been following tweets from an awesome lady named Tiffany D. Smith, whose twitter alias is appropriately: @tiffany_d_smith. I follow a little over 100 twitterers on a daily basis, but Tiffany holds a special place in my life. She’s not only wise and interesting, but she tweets several quotations and scripture verses per day and I am encouraged and convicted every single time. So, in honor of her gracious inspirations, I figured I’d post a quote, show you some quotes she posted this week, and then open it up for your motivational or thought-provoking quotes in the comments section. So, read, speak up, and be encouraged

Dave: My quote is from a book I just started re-reading again this morning titled On Being a Servant of God by Warren Weirsbe…

• “Ministry takes place when divine resources meet human needs through loving channels to the glory of God.” –Warren Weirsbe

Tiffany: as tweeted on twitter <–I feel 5 years old as I type that

• Oswald Chambers: “If God can accomplish His purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?”
• John Piper: “Our church exists to spread a passion for the supremacy of God in all things for the joy of all peoples through Jesus Christ.”
• “If you spin around on your chair really fast, things around here will make a lot more sense.” (This is reflective of my week!)

PS. If you haven’t been consumed by Twitter yet, I suggest you give it a try and look me up at: twitter.com/daveingland Sphere: Related Content

Today I got caught up on reading some blogs. I know, not something I should be concerned about on my birthday, but it’s been overdue and since today is supposed to be my day, it’s all good Anyway, over at Brian Reyes-Chow’s blog I saw a personality profile and figured I’d give it a try. It seems everytime I do one of these things the results are always the same. After answering a bunch of questions I am determined to be a leader, visionary, director, influencer, forward-thinker, etc. It was so consistent that I stopped doing these about a year ago.

Today was a different story. Honestly, I have to say I was pretty stunned. Here is what came back on this personality test:

How the heck could I test like an engineer or intellectual. I am so the opposite of this! Or am I? I believe this confirms my current state of mind and why it isn’t the best time to be moving full speed ahead with the church plant. maybe the test results are reflecting the fact that I have a lot on my mind and that I am in prayer and seeking confirmations and direction from God and that I won’t forward without them. However, just maybe, this really is a true reflection of who I am and not how I am being as of today.

Being analytical or intellectual like an engineer may be fine traits to have, and at times I know I can work within these parameters, but for a church plant it can be death in my spirit. I have been against the analytical, intellectual approach to church planting. Even the name evokes some controversy on occasion even though Revolution Church will have nothing to do with being revolting (at least I hope not!) or starting rebellious movements in an anarchist kind of way. Church planting involves a lot of risk taking and the passion and perseverance to see things through knowing that at times there may be stumbling blocks and mistakes to overcome. Putting total trust in God and his goals can seem anti-intellectual to analytical types, but it honors God and through it he is revealed to the world.

So, while I’m shocked–more like: disturbed, freaked out, in denial, claiming conspiracy–I’m glad I took the test and I’m okay with it for now. I’ll take it as a sign that I need to spend some more time working on things here at home and on myself so that I can recover and get back on track with being able to fulfill the things that God has made me passionate about.

Father God, please give me a renewed heart and a renewed mind so that I may continue the work you have created me for. Order my steps, change my steps, send me back a few steps, whatever it takes. Give me the faith to follow your voice wherever it takes me and to be at peace with whatever the stops along the road look like. I pray that you will not give up on me and let me learn how to be more balanced in life, more loving of your people, driven to the right things for the right reasons, and to love myself as you have loved me. Until I know clearly what your will is for me and my family I will take rest and focus on those things you commanded to me in your word and lift up myself to you daily, sometimes even hourly, until you respond. May your will be done here as in heaven and may you give me a servants heart to carry out your purpose through me. In the name of Jesus, amen.

The winner of my american idol is…oh my there are two winners: the church and technology! Congratulations to the winners as they have successfully uprooted God in my life and have been worshipped in ways that I am not proud of.

I read a post a couple of weeks ago on Vince Antonucci’s blog about idolatrizing the church. You can read the post here. He was more focused on speaking about how pastors feel they need the church to grow in order to give them purpose and value. I don’t see my value or worth in the church, but I do feel like it gives me purpose. Additionally, I feel as if all of my hard work in learning how and when to use technology also leads to my purpose. I’m to mesh technology and the church in relevant ways to bring the gospel of Christ into the community and reach those that don’t know or won’t trust in Jesus. Notice the glaring error in the previous statement? Read it again. I begin the sentence with “I’m” almost as if it is up to me and has nothing to do with God. I don’t believe it’s up to me, but somedays I think and do things that reflect that maybe I do believe it’s up to me. In a word, I believe this is idolatry. I’m in essence worshipping things in my life and putting them before God.

What happens when one puts things in front of God? Well, in my case, it has put my life in a stand still and may be actually taking all of the postive steps forward and causing me to retreat and re-group.

God has granted some amazing talents and abilities during my lifetime, even when I did not believe he existed. Although I experienced some failures along the way, there were far more successes in my past that allowed me be strong and perseverent. God was shaping and molding me to move in faith and start a church plant. It was clear to me within days after being born again and coming into the presence of the Lord. It was as if all that I had gone through was leading me to leading a church plant and therefore it is that process that gave me purpose. Eventually, the purpose seemed to take a stronghold in my life and it became more about what I was doing to achieve the goal rather than what God wanted me to do today. Technology was a big part of that as well as I spent long hours blending sermons and order of service to perfection with technology.

Sure, I prayed a lot. Yes, I put things on hold because I felt that God wasn’t ready to move me forward. However, the focus has always been about planting a church and everything about the process of doing this has taken center stage in my life.

The sad reality is that I truly believe I am called to do the work I am doing, yet my being out of balance could ruin the opportunity. It’s become a divisive issue in my household and when my wife isn’t inline with my timing I tend to push things because I’ve worked so hard and am so, so close to the launch date. Again, the word “I” becomes prevalent. Is it what I want, or is it what God wants? Was it all just a learning process or an exercise like Abraham ready to sacrifice Isaac as a show of faith, or what? Would God move me along this process and get me to my goal only to take me out and have me do something else? Yes, it’s possible and yes, I need to look to God and listen to his voice and follow his lead.

My most-beloved friend was taken away from me a couple of months ago. It was my Mac Powerbook notebook computer. We’d done so much ministry work together. It was always there for me and ready to get me out of any jam. When I needed some help to illustrate a point or something to make people laugh, it was ready with video and audio…it had my back! Then, one day in service the computer fell to the ground and the screen went dead. If that wasn’t enough, it fell to the floor a second time in the same service. Dead screen, no more sound…it was as if the world had ended!

Things don’t seem to be ready to move forward with planting a church right now. Technology doesn’t seem to have a place in sermons anymore because my Mac is not by my side these days. I realize that I don’t need the church or technology to give me passion for God and his people. I need to have passion for his people and his church because of God’s will, not for God’s pleasure. He must be the one thing driving every aspect of the process. If he’s not getting my wife passionate about it–even though her words have told me she supported the project–I have to learn to trust the signs and seek to love her more and give her space and let God reveal himself rather than push forward believing he will be honored and glorified through my focus and steadfastness.

God, my life is in your hands. My heart is at your mercy. My household is crumbling and I seek your foundation in our lives. Bring me back into your grace and use me in any way, for any thing. I want to be your light and your salt to anyone that will see and hear your son Jesus through me. For now, I wait patiently for your direction and pray for the wisdom and discernment to know your voice and to respond appropriately. May I never again put anything ahead of you, ever.