No matter what we do, the reality is that it’s never enough. We will always come up short somewhere. Things can always take an unexpected turn for the worst. As a former atheist, I bore the burden of everything on my own. The goal was always to be the best. There was no one who remembered those that came in second or finished last. I lived in that world for almost 38 years. I was always trying to outdo even my own self.
When I first came to comprehend the reality and awe of the voice of God, I was not at some low point. I had accomplished much and had the respect of many. Money talked and I was able to speak pretty loudly for many years with my dollars. When God spoke to me, I didn’t need a savior to rescue me. For me, it was coming to know a sense of purpose and finding a place of rest. When it suddenly became about God’s will and not about my work there was such a sense of relief. No matter how high I climbed, there would always be another rung to reach up for, but in God I knew I no longer needed to keep reaching. Through Christ I realized that it was okay to be where I was at–no climbing up or need to step down. Finally, I could find comfort in who I was and where I was. It wasn’t about me or how others thought about me. Instead, my life became an empty canvas that was being transformed into something of beauty through the effortless God that I came to know and trust with my life.
I’d like to say it’s been smooth sailing ever since I put my faith in Christ. It’s been quite the opposite actually. Life has been challenging to say the least, but I know it’s to fulfill my greater purpose. I still find myself working to overcome obstacles through what I know to do–those things that have helped me find success in the past. Many days I wake up thinking that if I can just make a few more dollars today, how much easier my life would be. If I could just strive a little harder to be a better person things would go my way. It’s never enough. It’s never ever enough.
I have to stop running on the wheel like a hamster and going no where. I must look at things differently. I should see things with the eyes that God gave me, rather than the eyes I used to see the world before I knew him. I have to get away from scratching my way to success and rest in the love and comfort of the One who called me his son and forever changed my life. Being human is hard, and thankfully it’s only temporary.



