We all tell the world that we value truth. We say that we not only want to speak the truth, but that we want others to speak the truth to us. In the end, you want to speak the truth and hope that no one will be bold enough to speak the truth back to you. Why? Because you are a phony!
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[I'm sorry if I offended you, but it is my blog and therefore my truth. However, after hearing me out, I do encourage you to speak your truth back to me in the comments section below.]
Take a moment to stop and ask yourself a question: Are you really representing your thoughts honestly to others? In other words, are their times in church when you will raise your hand and stand for God, yet in the office you say nothing?
“If we endure hardship,
we will reign with him.
If we deny him,
he will deny us.” — 2 Timothy 2:12 NLT
Do you find yourself telling people “yes” when you wanted to tell them “no”?
“Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” –Matthew 5:37 NIV
Why do we profess to living a life of truth, yet we ultimately find ourselves in lies?
For me, it’s not just simply saying “yes” to something I wanted to say “no” to. For me, it goes much deeper than that. In my world, I am what’s referred to as the twinkie: yellow on the outside, white on the inside. I have lived the life of being an Asian-American trying hard to assimilate in a world of the white majority. It’s not who I am; it’s not who God created me to be. It was a lie I was living in order to fit into a world that was comfortable with the majority. I was deceived because it never felt like a lie, until some people spoke truth into my life and caused me to see it for what it was.
Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not some Malcolm X and I don’t see to have the majority world view. I’m simply feeling compelled to let my words and actions represent who I am, rather than who I want you to think I am. Worse would be if I distort the truth to be who you think I should be.
Something is being changed deep within me. I can’t just come to learn this truth in my life and passively wait for it to come to the surface. My environment must change, my friends must change, my lifestyle must change if I am to honor this. I do sense these changes coming — how and when I do not know — but they are coming and I know in my heart that I am not a twinkie. My inside should be reflected on the outside, and my inside isn’t white. I have suppressed a lot of emotion and pain. I have lived a confused (and confusing) life at times. It hasn’t been who I was created to be, and with the help of my Creator I hope to let you all get to know me for who I am, not who you want me to be. I can’t live that lie anymore.
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Here’s a twitpic that might go with this blog post: http://twitpic.com/tnw8z
Always someone who has to be the smarty pants! :)
Thanks for sharing. May we all become more of who God created and desires us to be.
Peace,
Jeff
Jeff, that is the desire, for sure. Thanks!
Dave,
I look forward to watching you move along on this journey. For me, the issue of trying to fit in with the majority wasn’t racial, but it was cultural. As a biker and a pastor, I tried everything to fit into the “suit and tie” environment that promised me success in ministry. When I decided to be true to the culture I was raised in and live out a life of following Christ within that culture, I lost some peer connections. And yet, the freedom of not living a life was well worth it.
I will be praying for you as you discover what this all means for your life and ministry.