When all roads seem to lead to the same place, but… 10 comments
I have to admit that I’ve been out of my element for quite awhile. I’m bewildered, frustrated, contemplative, hesitant, timid, uncertain, rebellious, and several other adjectives that aren’t generally used to describe me. What’s been causing this you may ask? Well, if you’ve followed this blog lately you’ll know that I am struggling with my role in ministry and what lies ahead for me. For the first time in my 4 year journey as a church planter in training I am questioning whether this is what God is intending for me. Specifically, my heart for church planting is there and my passion lies in seeing God transform the lives of those that were deemed to be unchangable. It’s other factors in my home life that have caused me to question this as I truly believe my wife and I were called as a team to plant together. That God would connect her gifts with my gifts (which are quite different) for the glory of God.
However, as I pray–sometimes fasting and praying–and waiting on God’s voice, I find that there is no response. I feel distant from God. Thus I am not acting within my comfort zone as I feel like I’ve lost the assurance I was working under previously. I do not want to go ahead of God or act in such a way that I am not seeking his will and following the path he has directed me to. Hence, the timidness, confusion, etc.
I was praying and meditating and something has been getting my attention this week. It seems that everyone God is connecting me to in ministry lately seems to be Asian-American. I’ve engaged in conversation and debate with several new friends in Asian-American ministry and without exception they all feel that there is a need to develop such ministry in the future, but I have been fighting that trend believing that God wanted me to reach out to all people, regardless of ethnicity or color, and help unite them in Christ. Now, I am questioning that…a lot! Why would God connect me with these people? Is it to keep me convicted in the vision I believe he gave me, or is it his way of speaking to me and answering my prayers for direction through these discussions?
All roads seems to be leading me to explore what my role could be in an Asian-American ministry could be, yet I hesitate and resist. Then, another incident compounded this. My senior pastor tells me last night in our bible study that he saw a comment from Dave Gibbons on my Facebook profile and that he went to seminary with, and served alongside in a church with him. Pastor Gibbons has been getting a lot of attention with what God has been doing through Newsong church and was someone that many had mentioned to me as somebody to look at as an example of multi-cultural ministry within the context of being Asian-American.
So, when all roads seem to lead to the same place, but I still feel I want to resist going in that direction, I need to stop and pause, give praise to God, and start looking into this for real and as a possible way that God is speaking to me through others. Unfortunately, I can’t jump into this belieiving it is the direction I’ve been waiting for, but I pray that this will be an important aspect of the discernment process and that this will cause some things to begin to take shape in my marriage to help us be more unified. Please pray for me in this time of listening and discernment, and please pray for my wife and I to come together and experience ministry in harmony and in love and in ways that God can use us to help see other lives transformed by the power of his gospel.
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Dave,
Been there and it is not a good place. It was frustrating and confusing for sure. It was at school actually where this all came together for me, but it was after much time of seeking and a passion to just serve. Your still relatively young in this walk - I think where you are already is amazing! Anyway.., I’ll drop you a line and give you my cell phone nr. and I’ll tell the whole story and how it came together. Praying for ya bro!
IHL,
Richie
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Richie, I remember we dialogued about this a bit via email. Any insight you can offer that would help add clarity or direction to my journey would be most-appreciated! Thanks for being my friend…I appreciate you very much!
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Hi Dave…saw your tweet…jumped over here and saw your heart…praying for you and your family as you seek His direction…
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Steve, thank you so much friend! Everytime we connect I see Jesus’ love for me through your actions. Your prayers are strong and always appreciated!
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dave dave dave
I know this journey first hand and we’re going thru the same thing. maybe people i know don’t visit this blog so i can make the unofficial announcement that we are closing the c.p. chapter ourselves to finish up our mdiv and move back home. funny thing is, it’s not so painful, but refreshing. we oughtta hook up.[Reply]
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Wayne, sorry things are changing on you, but glad that you are at peace! I’m not at the refreshing stage yet, but I am at peace with what happens for the first time ever. I used to think church planting was my path of faith and anything less was falling short. Now, if it never happens I’m totally okay with it. However, I’m still sensing the call, just trying to figure out timing and how to do this as a married couple and not a single visionary. That’s the struggle.
Definitely, we’ll connect personally when you can. Keep in touch!
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Dave, I’m very sympathetic to your situation. It has never been easy for me to discern the direction God is leading me towards. During a critical decision making time, I find mixed messages in the circumstances. I find advice from different people that span the spectrum. I get some sense that God only shows me one step at a time, and I’m not able to discern a 5-year or life-long plan for me. So it’s a life of walking by faith, so to speak.
While I don’t know exactly what it is to be at the helm of a church plant, I’ve heard enough stories about the big challenges of being a church planter.
What’s been helpful in my life is to have someone journey along side of me, preferably someone older, and knows my heart as well as my potential.
Feel free to give me a call during the day at 949-870-5726 and we can talk live.
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DJ, thanks for your heartfelt comments and openness! I’m definitely finding out that having someone more involved in where I’m at to help me stay on track is probably a good thing. One of the disadvantages of not being a part of a church planting network. As you are so interconnected with Asian-American ministries and ministers I am hopeful that there are some people you know that I may be able to bounce some things off and see if they can help shed any light on some of my thoughts and my situation. I’ll definitely try to connect by phone, and thank you again so much!
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Hey Brother, there must be some bug going around.
Church planting is certainly not for the weak of heart. As pastors what we do if we really do what we should be doing is absolutely crazy.
I have my struggles too being a pastor in a Chinese church. Your first two sentences that describe how you feel are words that would describe me as well. I’m out of my element. I admit I believe I have it better in the setup I have compared to others places I could be. I’m in that crucial third year. I want to be in this for the long haul but I do wonder the what ifs. The planter plants then moves to repeat the process over again whether it is deemed successful or not.
On another note, I do think Asian American ministry is multi-cultural ministry. We know that Asian American is anything but monolithic. My church has three congregations with different dialects and generations under one roof. We’re situated in Chinatown with rapidly changing demographics. My congregation continues to grow diverse generationally and in ethnicity. It’s quite the challenge. I think sometimes our dreams and visions get ahead of us. We have to keep at it day by day.
I’m having some discussion with Greg Atkinson about this, thinking about what it means to be the church. We should connect and talk. So much gets lost in a comment but I’m thankful for the invitation to dialogue.[Reply]
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Pastor Tom, thanks for your insight! I am definitely the opposite of you in that I try to see things from a future perspective, but I agree that I feel as if I got ahead of myself. Therefore, I’m looking forward to working on a day-by-day basis and it gives me much more peace and takes away so much pressure.
Your comment about Asian-American ministry being anything but monolithic is something I am trying to grab a hold of and see if I have a role in that. I’ve always considered Asian-American churches to be ethnocentric, yet I am getting a lot of advice to the contrary.
I saw your tweets with Greg Atkinson so anything I can lend to that conversation hit me up. As for connecting on church planting, man I’d definitely appreciate that opportunity. Let me know a good time and I’ll send you my number or however is easier for you. Thanks again!
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Richie "Rich" Merritt
13 Nov 08 at 12:15 pm