This is the first birthday for my mom where she isn’t here to celebrate it. Those of you that know me, know that she passed away unexpectedly back in May. She would have been 87 today.
I’ve come to learn and understand that we can’t look to the past and still live for the future. We must look beyond things we have done without regret and realize that every action had some meaning and importance in creating who we are today and who we will be tomorrow. I’ve made many mistakes in my life, but really don’t have regrets. However, I am feeling inclined to reflect on my childhood and my relationship with my mom.
Dave Gibbons spoke about his Korean mom having a Korean accent and trying to get a discount on some clothes at a store while he was growing up and how it embarrassed him. He used the illustration to begin the sermon he did for the One Prayer campaign for LifeChurch.tv. The illustration was funny to me as I could totally relate. My mom came to the US when she was in her 30′s and her English could be a little hard to understand for many. I grew up hearing her voice and understood her 100%, but I could understand why some others could not. Her Japanese culture was deeply a part of who she was and she was not ashamed. However, at times I feel ashamed because I wanted to distance myself from my mom. Frankly, at times she embarrassed me. Usually, it was in a very public setting and I hated having negative attention cast upon me as a child, especially from strangers.
I wasn’t appreciative of my mom’s love at times and defied her several times. In hindsight, it saddens to me recall some of those moments. However, I learned later in life to appreciate my mom and to love her and be there for her. Not because I owed it to her, but because it was a part of who I was and couldn’t imagine not being there for her. At times I feel like I was closer to her in the past 7 years than I had been the whole time I was growing up. We got to do things together that were fun for her and often-times planned vacations around things she wanted to do. Seeing her peaceful expression and hearing her words of contentment and pleasure while relaxing on a cruise ship or being outdoors or enjoying a nice seafood dinner in the Pacific Northwest were some of the most satisfying times I can remember. Being able to be there for my mom in the latter years of her life, especially after my dad passed away, made me feel like I was fulfilling my purpose. Not that I was trying to make up for the disrespect or unappreciation of my mom while growing up as those things weren’t even in my mind until recently, but it just felt like this was the way it was supposed to be. I am thankful that God provided a way for me to survive in this world in such a way that I had the time and resources to be with my mom and to care for her and love her as she had cared for and loved me throughout my life. I am thankful that she had an opportunity to spend time with my daughters Megan and Samantha as they were growing up.
It is my prayer that my mom is resting in peace with the Lord and that we will be reunited at the appropriate time. She never professed her faith in Christ in my presence, but I know that he touched her life in a tangible way. I’m hoping I’ll have the chance one day to put into words for her what I tried to put into words here. I love you mom! You’ve influenced me and helped me to help others more than you may ever know.
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Dave, I join your prayer for the peace of your mom’s eternal soul. I am in a similar place with my mother. Thank you for memembering your mother’s birthday. As sons, we have received vast richness from our mothers love. Happy birthday to your mom.
Peace,
Calvin Wulf
Calvin, thank you so much my friend! I will lift up some prayer for your and trust the Lord would honor your covenant in seeing your mom at eternal peace with our Heavenly Father.